Category Archives: New Mom Chronicles

What I Would Have Done Differently

Posted in Childbirth, New Mom Chronicles, Pregnancy by

When asked what I would have done differently during my pregnancy and labor only a few things come to mind for now:

Journal and Memories: I wish I would have documented the pregnancy more and taken more photos. If I could go back I would definitely have at least kept a weekly journal and maybe even make a time capsule for my baby piglet.

PPD: You hear about post partum depression a lot but you always skim past the articles and tune out any talk of it because you don’t really think it could happen to you. If I could go back I would have better educated myself about the subject so that I could have been better prepared and be able to recognize the signs. After I got home from the hospital I had a bad case of stress, anxiety and depression. I didn’t know what hit me. After about a week I had to look up symptoms of PPD but I couldn’t grasp that I had it. Had I been better informed I think I would have sought help quicker rather than suffer alone.

Visitors: I should have been more firm with my husband about visitors. Of course he, not going through childbirth or anything was more than eager to have everyone come visit. But I, just going through quite an ordeal (24 hours of early labor, 16 hours active labor, painful episiotomy, major edema in around my vaginal area which resulted in bodily functions shutting down, malfunctioning bladder, painful catheter insertion, UTI, on top of that PPD… I WAS NOT up for visitors. Of course everyone wants to see the baby and think it’s such a great time. It’s not! Hormones are out of whack, you just birthed out a human being and you are not sure how your life is anymore. Lack of sleep and a newborn on your breast every hour takes a lot out of you. If I could go back, I would have firmly put my foot down, no visitors for 1st two weeks. Immediate family can visit ONCE in the 1st week for a short time.

Night Nurse: I know this is a luxury. But I would have honestly gotten a night nurse. My friend did and it made me regret not doing so. I think it would have made my life, recovery and PPD a lot easier. At least for the 1st month or two! Sleep is everything I’ve learned. Too little of it makes you a monster and wonder every morning how you are still alive. How can one go on sleeping in 2 hour increments with no naps during the day? So yes, next time I’m pregnant if that ever happens I’m getting a night nurse.

New Baby and Relationships

Posted in Childbirth, New Mom Chronicles, Pregnancy, Relationships by

I know it’s pretty much common sense to know that a new baby will change everything in your life right? Everything, including your relationships with everyone in your life. I spent so much time preparing for a new baby and myself, that I completely didn’t prepare for the changes I was about to face with my husband, friends and family. I feel like one of the things to put on your list to prepare for a new baby is to take the time to go over which relationships matter most to you and what changes to expect. Not enough time is spent on this subject and once baby arrives, there is NO TIME AT ALL to go over it.

Partner: So much time is put towards preparing for this new baby along with all the classes you want to take just to make sure you know what you are doing. We took ALL the classes! Everything from Infant CPR, Breastfeeding Basics, Newborn Care, Labor and Delivery, you name it we took it. What people failed to mention in these classes was that your relationship with your significant other will change dramatically, especially in the first few months. With your hormones out of whack, a new human being that you just pushed out, and adjusting to ZERO sleep, have NO DOUBT that you will be a different person. There really needs to be a class that you can take before you have a baby that emotionally and mentally prepares the both of you through this journey together. Just like how there are classes you take before you get married, there should be classes to take before you have a baby that prepare you for the changes you will see in each other. I really didn’t think much of this to be honest, I just thought “Hey, I’m going to have a baby, and it will be different postpartum for a bit then it will go back to normal”. That’s not the case most of the time. I mean, there is an exception to this rule where there are couples that remain lovey dovey and completely perfect through this new chapter but I’ve only seen one couple in my entire life and they are an anomaly I tell you. Okay, so what changes? Everything. First off, once you get home from the hospital not only are you healing mentally and physically but you now have to get the hang of breastfeeding every 1-2 hours around the clock. The house will be in shambles, you will barely shower and this little human being has taken you captive. The lack of sleep combined with a lack of those “happy hormones” you were getting during pregnancy will turn you into someone with zero patience. Now this all depends on how well you deal with stress and lack of sleep. I for one, am the type of person that needs 8 full hours and can’t deal with hunger. So I was not that pretty to deal with. My poor husband, I know many times has had to deal with me biting his head off, but that’s just what happens when you are working with 2 hours of sleep a night for 5 months. For the first few months you are all about the baby and nothing else, so your partner may very well feel neglected. This in turn can change them as well. You may feel like your baby is all you need in this world and it’s you against your partner. Fights will make you feel even more distant and apart. Hunger and fatigue will make you say things you didn’t mean. You may feel like you need more from your partner and get resentful if it’s not happening. Then you will feel like “Well, is this what it’s going to be like? Is this relationship going to work out?” Before I answer that, let me say that a weak and unstable relationship pre-baby will only get more rocky. A baby does not solve problems nor does it mend problems or issues. A relationship that is not strong, will not withstand. A baby will truly test your relationship, partnership or marriage. You both will be worn down thin then left to deal with each other. This relationship CAN work, IF BOTH parties keep communication open and adapt. Voice your expectations but in a way that can be best received. Bring up concerns and if you want to see changes made. Try to remember that you both are on the same team, not opposing parties. Most of all, don’t lose sight of the love you have for one another and make a vow to show this love often. A new baby at times will let you lose sight of the love you share. If you can get over the rough hump together, then you can make it work. When the baby starts to sleep longer and need you less, you will start to sleep a little more and in turn, be a little nicer. I will tell you, after many spats, disagreements and tears, me and my husband are much better now that we were a couple months ago. It just takes a ton of understanding, patience, communication and a willingness to change on both parts.

Friends: Be prepared to lose friends. I have found that I did lose some friends, BUT it strengthened my bond with others. Finally, friends that were already moms had something new to bond with. I felt like a new relationship ensued and it was great. You definitely need to have some mom friends in your book! As for friends that I lost, this is always the inevitable in these situations. Some friends just feel like they aren’t in the same chapter of life as you anymore and some though happy for you may make them feel lacking about their own lives. Those especially that do not have kids will not understand what you just went through and don’t know how to be there for you, so they just disappear.

Family: Definitely in most circumstances having a new baby should bring you and your family closer. This was not the case with mine as I don’t have a normal family situation. My parents were separated when I was born and my mom is an interesting character. Having a new baby I feel has driven us even further apart for some reason. But for my husband, it has made him closer to his family and has made him see his father in a new light. Now that he is a father, he understands the hard work his father put in when he was young. I think it makes everything come around in full circle where the son/daughter becomes the father/mother.

Things No One Tells You About Birth and the Aftermath

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You have no idea how many times my eyes widened or I questioned if I was really going through this. How come no one told me? How come my friends didn’t warn me? Why didn’t I read about this in the baby books?! Was this taboo to talk about? I really could have used a warning or two! Honestly, if I could go back and had the chance to be forewarned about these things I would have gladly taken the caution. I was absolutely appalled at what I was asked to do and had no idea that some of these things were supposed to happen.

Poop on the Table. You might poop on the table as you give birth. Yes it happens, not many talk about or want to talk about it. Many try to forget it. Some ask that they are not told if they did or not. I may have, not sure, but I will tell you in that moment you won’t care! You just want that baby out of you!

The Uterine Massage. Okay so as if it wasn’t enough to be in labor and push out a human being, they come and tell you they are now going to “massage” your uterus. Take the term “massage” loosely. I think they say that so you don’t jump out of bed or take your foot out of the stirrup and kick them in the face. I’ve heard that even when you have a C-Section they still do this no matter what! This is in no way a gentle, soothing, relaxing procedure. Two hands dig into your abdomen kneading and pushing and forcing the placenta out. I winced in pain appalled that pushing a baby out wasn’t the end of this. After the massage was over, I then “delivered” the placenta. This in which is sometimes spoken of but not sure if you can ever be prepared enough to see it. I just remember my eyes widened in horror and I couldn’t believe that big bloody gelatinous glob came out of me.

The First Pee. So you just went through labor and delivery. You JUST pushed out a baby. Your vagina and everything else surrounding it is torn, ripped, throbbing and has been through hell and back. If you had a C-Section then you must feel like you have just been cut open like a chicken. Well, don’t get too comfortable in your bed lady. About 30 minutes to an hour after you deliver, the nurses basically force you to stand up and walk to the bathroom to PEE. I laugh as I write this because I remember looking at my nurse, shaking my head as if I heard her wrong and asking her “You want me to do what?”. She said “You need to get up and go to the bathroom to pee.” But I don’t have to! It doesn’t matter. It’s so important that you pee right after you give birth and for them to witness and measure your pee so they can see that everything is working okay down there. Otherwise say hello to Mr. Catheter which I ended up needing. So back to getting up from the bed. I was in so much pain from the birth and from being stitched up that it hurt so much to even move around in bed let alone having to swing my legs over and to stand up. My husband and a nurse had to help me up and they slowly helped me shimmy my way to the bathroom which felt like 10 miles away. Let me add that once you stand up, you feel the gush of warm bloody fluid exit your vagina. It’s almost shocking how much comes out that you feel like you are hemorrhaging! Once we got to the bathroom, they asked that I sit down on the toilet (yes, sit down!) and pee. Everyone (husband included) were all standing there watching. Unsurprisingly, nothing happened. Finally I asked if I could get some privacy, the pressure and the eyes on me were just too much. Not 35 seconds later I hear a knock and it’s my husband asking if I’m doing alright. Sigh. LEAVE ME ALONE! 45 seconds later the nurse comes in and says to spray some warm water down there to get things going. Nope, didn’t help. I kept asking for time but no one wanted to give it. Up the catheter it went, which was SO PAINFUL because they had to basically poke around my new stitches and push something up there where something just came ripping out of. OUCH.

The 24 Hour a Day Checks. After I gave birth I was in the hospital 2 full days and nights. The nurses come and check in on you around the clock and I mean around the clock whether it be at 3am or 3pm. They come in, take your blood pressure, check if you have a fever AND they constantly make you lie down and then proceed to poke around down there. They move your giant diaper sized pad around, press deeply into your tender abdomen, take a deeper look to see how much you are bleeding and they pat your stitches. All I could think of was screaming “Leave my vagina alone already, don’t you know what it just went through?!”

The Blood and Smell. Be prepared to wear diapers for 2 months! I knew I was going to bleed afterwards. I thought for maybe a couple weeks and that it would be like a period. NO WAY. This was like the Red Sea had exploded inside of me. Blood gushed endlessly for weeks. Every time I stood up an ocean of it came gushing down prompting me to change my pad yet again. And the smell oh the horror! I can’t even describe this, what they call (yes there’s a name for it) “lochia”. No matter how many times I washed, changed, aired out, it still was there. It didn’t completely go away for at least 8 weeks!

After Birth Contractions. So they don’t tell you that after you give birth you will still feel these contractions, especially if you try to breastfeed. These contractions were not in any way as bad as the pre-birth ones but they weren’t pleasant. I constantly thought something was wrong inside of me or a 2nd baby was trying to make its way out.

The First Poo. I never thought of this up until I got closer to my due date. “What happens when I poo? OMG, how am I going to poo?” I never read about this in the books I got and I never heard girlfriends discuss this at baby showers and gatherings. My girlfriend finally brought it up to me and said it wasn’t that bad. Just take stool softeners. Hmmm, okay. Well I guess if other women have done it then so can I. After I gave birth, they immediately handed me a stool softener pill to take along with pain medication (a Norco to be exact). I popped the Norcos ’round the clock while I was in the hospital because the abdominal pain was too much. Much to my dismay, I wasn’t told about the side effects of these little gems! They tend to cause something called CONSTIPATION. You do not want to have just given birth and be constipated at the same time. Stool softeners will NOT help as they soften the stool that is newly produced not what has already been sitting in your system. So a few days after being discharged from the hospital I ended up at the ER for a malfunctioning bladder and extreme constipation. I mean, so extreme I was in pain and wanted to die. My stitches felt like they were being ripped apart. Advice? Take laxatives a few days before your due date and stay away from the Norcos ladies. No Bueno. Let’s just end this with my first poo being worst than pushing my baby out. I barely made it out of the bathroom alive.

Fart. Before you leave the hospital the nurses constantly ask you if you passed gas. You MUST pass gas before you can pass go. Seriously. Make sure you pass your gas and tell your nurses you did!

The Drive Home. THE WORST DRIVE EVER. You will feel all the bumps, potholes and turns! You will curse at your partner and scream and yell. You will grip onto what you can and grit your teeth. Suggestion? Invest in one of those donut pillows. Those are literally a lifesaver for the next 6 weeks.

Don’t Look Down. Your vagina will never look the same. Most of us don’t want to think about this. But I suggest not looking down there for 3 months, UNLESS you feel like something is really wrong and need to check. Otherwise, save yourself the scare and keep the pocket mirror out of the bathroom.

Sex. Is. Going. To. Hurt. This will hurt more than your first time ever did. You will feel like you are not going to make it out of this alive. You will want to crawl away and hide. But you will make it through, it will hurt several times over. But you will get through this and it will get better!

Mental Block. You will swear up and down that you will never do this again. The pain and agony fresh in your mind as you sit there and bleed out everyday. About 3-4 months later, slowly your memory of the experience gets foggy and it doesn’t seem as bad anymore. Your newborn isn’t a newborn anymore and cries less and sleeps more. Suddenly a 2nd doesn’t seem so bad does it?

“Mommy’s Thumb”. Okay this is a real thing, Google it. This happens particularly to new moms with no experience in how to hold a baby. I was holding my baby a lot and letting the weight of her head strain my right thumb. It got to be so painful that I would wake up in the morning with it feeling completely numb. I remember not being able to hold her without wincing in pain. I felt like I had arthritis or like my thumb was broken. I looked it up (because I like to self-diagnose myself via the internet) and lo and behold “Mommy’s Thumb”.

Pap Smear. Yes, about 6-8 weeks after pushing a human out of your vagina your OB will want to perform a pap smear on you and dig around your uterus to see how things are going down there.

Hatred for Hubby. Okay not hatred, but extreme irritation. This is mostly the hormones, lack of sleep and stress causing you to act out. I promise that it gets better and you will look at him one day as your hubby again. Babies completely change a relationship/marriage! But with work, communication and understanding you will be able to find your way back again.

Losing Friends. Be prepared to lose friends. Especially those with no kids. You won’t be able to hold a decent convo with someone without getting distracted by baby and hardly be able to speak about things that are non-baby related.

Sleep Deprivation.

Posted in New Mom Chronicles, Sleepless Nights by

Oh the joy of sleep deprivation! I’ve always been an 8 hour minimum night’s sleep type of gal. It’s amazing how I’m still able to function now with 2 hour increments of sleep per night. Also completely surprised at how amazing I feel after getting 4 hours of straight sleep.

Sleep deprivation can do a number on you mentally, emotionally and physically. I turn into a complete monster when I am running on two hours of sleep and definitely feel bad for the hubby for receiving the backlash. Patience will run low, you will be too tired to sleep at times, you forget what you did 5 minutes ago, you will repeat things you already did, and you will get snappy! You start looking like a homeless person and one day happen to catch a glimpse of yourself while outside and are in utter shock at the physical transformation (and this is on a day you think you looked okay). I find myself investing in eye creams, more makeup and crying in my bathroom corner. I look at old photos and wonder if I’ll ever look like that again!

Funniest things I’ve done while sleep deprived:

Hallucinated. You are half asleep and swear the baby is somewhere else or you are somewhere else. This happened to me last night, I thought it was 3am and it was time to feed the baby when it was only 9pm. I ran to her room frantic because I thought I missed her first feeding.

Delirious online shopping. Once I was so delirious I added a bunch of random things to my shopping cart and hit “purchase”. The next morning I saw a confirmation email in my inbox and had to call them to cancel. What was I thinking?

Phantom crying. I swear she’s crying when she’s not. I’ll run into her room and she’s fast asleep.

I keep praying this will end soon and sometimes get upset if my little babe won’t stop crying at night. But then… I think about how this time won’t last forever. One day she won’t need me anymore and there will be a time where she won’t be right next to me where I can scoop her right up. So I just brush off my fatigue and hold her even closer and just try to freeze that moment. “These times won’t last forever, please don’t grow up too fast.” I whisper.

I Broke Down…

Posted in New Mom Chronicles, Sleepless Nights by

This morning was an especially trying time for me. For the first time in 4 months I broke down in tears and was on my knees waving the white flag. Now, I have broken down before but it was either over my PPD or fights with the hubby. This time, truly it was because I couldn’t take the crying, fussing and refusal to go back to sleep. The dreaded 4 month regression hit last week and it’s been really difficult for both me and baby Everly ever since. I know developmentally she is going through so much so this isn’t a pleasant time for her either. She’s not trying to purposely give me a hard time but man, it’s been a really hard time. I’ve been getting 3 or 4 hours of broken sleep a night. When we get up in the morning I take care of her and my chores all day until her bed routine that starts at 6pm, then I get about 4-5 hours to either eat, catch up on housework, emails, texts, take a short nap, order things we need, or just sit in silence.

So, back to my morning. She started fussing at 4am and nothing I did would soothe her. I tried to take her into her crib (we co-sleep half the night) and she was still fussing. Diaper changed, bottle fed, burped, took off layers of clothes, nope still wants to cry. A couple hours later I tried letting her watch some cartoons in hope that I could get her to just relax but after 10 minutes she was screaming and crying. Put her down in her crib again and she screamed even louder. I scooped her up, patience wavering, and made her another bottle. I’m so exhausted as I stood in the dark of my kitchen waiting for her bottle to heat up. It is extremely hard to stay positive when you are not getting any sleep an minimal help. Thoughts creep into your mind about how you haven’t lost this baby weight and might never, about how you’ve let yourself go, how you might not be cut out for this and are a bad mom because obviously your baby isn’t happy. You think about your husband leaving you for someone prettier, younger and skinnier because right now you are the exact opposite of those things along with a huge side of crabbiness. The bottle warmer bell goes off and I’m snapped back into my present moment. As I grab for the bottle she proceeds to spit up all over me and so now I have to juggle her carefully and the bottle as well while her vomit trickles down my back. I set her down and she starts screaming again. I take off my shirt, roll it up and toss it to the side. I try to give her the bottle but she refuses angrily and that’s the moment where I just wanted to give up and falter. Tears and tension built up behind the walls of my eyes just started flowing out. I had tried my best to stay strong for so long and in this very moment I just felt like I couldn’t anymore. This IS so much harder than I bargained for or could ever imagine. I give up baby, please tell me what you want! I’ll do anything! As I start sobbing she calms down and finally takes her bottle. She looks at me as her eyes start to grow heavy from her eventful morning. I look at her and it’s as if the tables were turned for a brief second and she was the one wishing I would stop crying.