Category Archives: Pregnancy

I’ve Been MIA

Posted in New Mom Chronicles, Pregnancy, Uncategorized by

Sorry that I’ve been MIA for practically a year! A lot has happened! The biggest news of all that we are expecting a 2nd baby this April! With a new move, Thanksgiving, Christmas, planning a Baby Sprinkle and also getting ready for the new little one it has been quite hectic around here!

Being pregnant while have a toddler makes things quite interesting I tell you. My first pregnancy was a breeze because I could spoil myself, go work out whenever I wanted and sleep whenever I chose to. I didn’t have to answer to anyone and didn’t worry much about the late night insomnia because hey, I could just take a nap the next day right? That’s definitely not the case now. I have a boss to answer to and she is demanding. She stands about 30 inches tall and she wants what she wants. Pregnancy insomnia is in full effect and my job as a Mom does not include naps. Whoever said “nap when baby naps” must have an assistant/maid/nanny/magician. Sometimes you just want to sit in silence during naps and zone out. Other times you want to take that much needed shower, eat something, return messages or catch up on things that have fallen behind.

So anyways, I will definitely make separate posts about these different subjects later. Just wanted to give a quick update! Hope everyone had a wonderful holiday and New Year!

 

Don’t Worry About That Instant Bond

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Soon to be moms keep hearing about other mom’s stories of their “love at first sight” and instant bond with their newborn. You see it in movies all the time and hear all the love stories. People will keep telling you how amazing it’s going to be and how you will instantly feel a love and bond like no other. You will go home from the hospital and it will be an amazing time just “oohing” and “aahing” over this new baby. This will be the honeymoon period of your birth!

I’m here to say DON’T put pressure on yourself to feel this and don’t even think or agonize about how you are going to feel when that tiny human comes out of you. Way too many things are going on mentally, emotionally and physically that the last thing you need is to worry about whether you are feeling enough love for your new baby. If you do, great, if not, DON’T WORRY, it happens on its own and you will get there. I think a lot of moms lie when asked if it was “love at first sight”. Hey I get it, sometimes I’m ashamed to admit that I didn’t have that fairytale birth where I looked into her eyes and love overwhelmed my heart and soul. Don’t get me wrong, when she was born it was amazing. I cried when the doctor laid her on my chest and when I held her, whoa, it was unreal. I definitely LOVED her and felt a connection. But it wasn’t like the stories I have heard. The bond definitely took some time to build and the love definitely did not come rushing through all at once. Not to fret though, my love for her now is so overwhelming I cry when I think of it. She makes every fiber of my heart melt and I love her more (if that’s even possible) each day. The bond I have with her is something I can’t even begin to explain.

So kudos to the mamas who had the fairytale births, it does happen for many moms, this I know! But if you are one of the mamas who didn’t have this uber emotional lovey dovey birth and you are sitting there wondering if something is wrong with you, don’t worry, nothing is wrong. When you give birth immediately there is a decline in those happy hormones and some women encounter medical issues so it makes it hard to focus on bonding with baby. For me I had a rough experience and post partum depression so it definitely made the bonding period challenging for me. No birth experiences are ever the same so don’t base someone else’s experience to what you are going to face. Yours will be unique entirely on its own. Just know, whether you bond at the hospital or days or weeks later at home, it will be amazing and the love you will feel will make everything worth it.

You Won’t Understand Until…

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You definitely won’t understand another mother’s struggle until you yourself become a mom. It’s so true. I never really put myself in the shoes of my friends who had already had kids way before me. I didn’t get why they were late to functions or always had an excuse to not come out. I wondered why they were always tired and didn’t have time to maintain themselves.  Sometimes keeping in touch would be challenging because they would be MIA or take forever to respond. And what was this talk about scheduling plans around nap time? What was that nonsense??! Ahhh now I know, I am on the other side and have joined my fellow mom friends. I get it now ladies, I understand!

No Sleep, No Rest. – I never thought about this until I was thrown into it after having my little Piglet. Wow. Praise to all the mamas out there. It’s hard! No sleep, no showers and barely any full meals make for a very rough road each day. The first 3 months were a complete blur as I was barely hanging by a thread. It has either gotten better or I have gotten better with dealing with it. I apologize to my mom friends in instances that I didn’t understand why you were always tired! You do not know true exhaustion until you become a mom. I know this is true as I have once worked double shifts as a bartender, triple shifts as a server/bartender, and have gone countless nights with several hours of sleep. It in no way compares to the hours you clock in with motherhood. There is no clocking out!

Going Out – I remember way back when I would ask my mom friends to go out partying or drinking and wouldn’t understand how hard it was to find a sitter. You think hey just ask your mom or friend right? Now that I’m on the other side I a) would much rather stay home with my baby than go partying b) sitters are not that easy to find as I thought c) it’s extremely hard to trust just anyone with your baby, family members included. For instance I don’t think I’d even trust my mom to watch my baby. It’s been 35 years since she held or cared for a baby and many things have changed!

“The Mom Look” – I didn’t understand this look but I often saw it amongst mom friends or random moms in public. The look can be a one of or a combination of the following: short hair, messy bun, ponytail, dirty hair, sweats, yoga pants/leggings, oversized tshirt, vomit or spit up on clothes, flip flops or sneakers, no makeup, chipped nail polish, bags/circles under eyes. Moms out there, I understand now… I understand. Enough said.

Visiting New Moms/Newborns – Okay, if you are visiting a newborn these are things you do beforehand:

– Ask mom directly if it’s okay to visit and when would be a good time. Don’t push. Every mom is different. For me I really wasn’t ready for visitors until 8 weeks.

– Bring food!

– When you come over wash your hands if you are going to hold the baby. Do not kiss the baby!

– Do not hog the baby the whole time or expect to just come over and take away from the beginning bonding moment of this new family. Instead, see if there’s something you can do around the house like a load of laundry, dishes, cooking a meal, walking the dogs, vacuum, etc. This would be beyond helpful. I hate it when people just come over and want to relax on your couch and hold your baby while you have to sit there and entertain while you are completely exhausted!

– Do not stay long. One hour max. Newborns need their rest and so do moms. Last thing we want is to sit there for hours holding up a conversation when all we can think about is when the next time to nurse is.

– Better yet, leave food at the door and go. Include a note or card asking to let you know when a good time to visit is. This would be beyond appreciated!

Friends and New Babies – Of course when you have a friend with a new baby your natural inclination is to congratulate and check in on them. But then you don’t hear from them for a while and the friendship tapers off. It’s not you, it’s this whole new chapter of your friend’s life that she’s trying to adjust to! Even if she’s not responsive, she IS reading your messages and thinking of you. Just because us moms have a new baby in our lives doesn’t mean we want to drop all of our friends. If I could change something I would have made more effort in the past to be there for my friends who just had babies. It’s hard! And you won’t know what I’m talking about until you have gone through it yourself. So just try to be understanding and make the effort in coming to visit, being supportive, and keeping the friendship going. One day you will be a mom too and may need her!

Non-Moms-  To those reading that are not moms yet: Try your best to take the time in understanding what your mom friends are going through. Offer help, support, love and FOOD! If you can, offer to babysit or cook one night! This time is such an overwhelming crazy time in a new mom’s life that it’s hard to sit down and stay in contact with friends. Be there for her and never be “too busy”. You don’t know the meaning of busy until you’ve had kids, trust me.

Why I Blog

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After reading some of my posts you may think wow, she likes to write about her bad experiences. No, it’s just I want to inform others of the things no one tells you. I feel like a lot of moms have bad experiences but they tend to not share or warn others about it for fear of scaring or ruining someone’s moment. You have a baby shower and all the women just tell you about how beautiful it’s going to be and how wonderful motherhood is. YES, it’s completely wonderful but with hurdles you have to get over in between. You don’t know how many times I’ve asked friends if they had gone through what I did and they said yes. I would then say “Well why didn’t you warn me??!!” A lot of people feel like they should just talk about the best parts of motherhood and the rest left unspoken. It’s almost taboo. Trust, I love motherhood. I couldn’t imagine life without my little Piglet. BUT, I did go through a lot to get here and there are days where I definitely get tested. I think had I been more informed or given a heads up about some things, in particular my postpartum experience, I would have been better prepared. Society has you thinking that you go in the hospital to have your baby, have an immediate bond, bring baby home and it’s wonderful from there on out. I didn’t have any of those things at all. Immediate bond? No. Wonderful time at home? No. Everyone’s experience is going to be different, no two will be the same. So regardless of what others say, you are going to have your own experience. But be prepared for anything! My reason for blogging my experience is just to give insight on a different experience than what you may have heard or read about. I don’t want to just write about the hearts and flowers, I want to write about the nitty gritty.

Advice

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It seems the moment you announce your pregnancy a ton of advice comes through from everyone around. Some solicited, some unsolicited. I am always open to advice and hearing about other mom’s stories and experience, but to a certain extent. I definitely advise any new moms to surround themselves with at least a few trusted mom friends to call upon when you have questions or need guidance. This is a definite MUST. What I have a problem with is people that don’t have kids of their own giving you advice on how to handle your baby, whether you should vaccinate or not, and how to raise your kids. I also have an issue with older people telling me how they raised their kids 40 plus years ago when EVERYTHING was different back then. If you don’t have kids and didn’t have a baby within the last 10-12 years please don’t give me your two cents.

Advice that I’ve heard that I disagree with:

Keep your baby up all day so she will be tired and sleep better at night.

Keep all the lights on and TV loud at night so she will get used to the noise and interference.

Don’t pick up the baby too much or she will get spoiled.

Don’t let the baby sleep with you or she will be spoiled and want to be with you all the time.

Use a bunch of spices in your baby’s food early on so she won’t be a picky eater.

Look, she’s not tired yet let me play with her some more. (When it’s her scheduled nap time)

Let your baby cry it out. Okay, so I agree and disagree to an extent with this. I agree to not run to pick baby up at the slightest whimper noise or cry (as long as they are not hurt or in danger). I agree with letting baby fuss it out a bit before sleep because some babies just need to do this to settle before sleep. But I don’t agree with shutting their nursery door at night and not returning till the morning while letting them cry and scream the whole night through. I don’t agree with letting your baby cry till he/she vomits, letting her cry and sweat till she soaks through her clothes and sheets, or till she cries and chokes.

All in all, my point is, you will hear a ton of advice from everyone around on how to raise your baby and what to do. Whenever I had a question I would ask 3 different mom friends and also do my own research. I would then choose a method that seemed to work best for me. Sometimes I went with a friend’s advice, sometimes I would blend different opinions together and there were times I just went with my gut instinct. You as a mother should pick what seems best for you and your baby. Never feel pressured to go with your Mom’s, In Law’s, Friend’s or even a website’s advice. This is why I always tell new mom friends that the information is out there, there is NO EXCUSE for not educating yourself about your baby and how to care for he/she!

Post Partum Depression/Anxiety/Stress

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You see articles but you scroll past it, you hear stories but you tune yourself out because hey, doesn’t happen that often and what are the chances that it’s going to happen to you right? Wrong. At least for me. Yes, I glanced at articles, I heard about it in the birth classes I took but I figured it was a small probability and it most likely wasn’t going to happen to me. Boy was I in for a big surprise.

After I gave birth I was in awe of my creation, my sweet baby girl. But I didn’t have that immediate bond that I heard other moms talk about. I loved her yes, and cared for her and wanted to make sure she was okay. But the labor had not only drained me, my bladder and my lady areas were causing me much pain. I was mentally fine at the hospital but once we got home I felt like a darkness fell upon me. All of a sudden we were alone, with no safety net of the nurses and a crying baby. Suddenly at home which reminded me of a life prior to this baby made me sad for some reason. A few days later I had to go to the emergency room, my bladder and bodily functions shut down due to the immense swelling of my episiotomy. I had to have a catheter inserted and needed to see a specialist on top of that. Not only was I struggling at home with motherhood, breastfeeding and healing but now I had this on top of it. Let me tell you having a catheter in is NOT the business especially with a newborn. All of this stress I felt at the moment I figured was due to the health issues and normal new mom stress. I cried. All the time. I mean here I was, struggling with latching and milk production, failing bodily functions, a catheter (which my husband had to empty out for me every few hours), a new baby that I had no clue how to take care of and I was in immense pain. To top it off on Saturday morning of that week (I was discharged Tuesday), I woke up with a UTI and a bunch of guests and in laws. I felt like everything was closing in on me. I wanted to run as far as I could and get away from this life I didn’t recognize. I was screaming deep down inside but nobody heard me. I kept telling my husband that I felt weird and down. He didn’t really understand. He just kept inviting his parents over. I get everyone wants to see the new baby but I was barely clinging onto my sanity and my health. I needed as less variables as possible. I think even he, as many classes as he took did not think I was going to have PPD and didn’t recognize the signs.

The following week health wise I felt much better but I still had that cloud looming over me. I felt a deep sense of sadness, anxiety, stress and pain. I wept in the middle of the night because these feelings kept me up. I sobbed while holding the baby. I cried in the shower. I remember crying to my husband and him just sitting in front of the tv and not even looking over at me. I stood by the kitchen crying, telling him I didn’t feel right, I felt sad and felt like my life was over. He really didn’t say anything and didn’t come over to me. Thinking back brings tears to my eyes because this was by far THE most painful time of my life. I remember the pain feeling like the worst break up of your life times 1000. Think of the worst your heart has felt and multiply it. My heart ached and I could barely face each day. With each day the darkness grew and I sank deeper into this hole. I remember telling myself I couldn’t do this, what was I thinking? I’m not cut out for this. I even felt like I had a made a mistake in deciding to have a baby. I was in over my head. How do other moms manage?! I would talk to my other mom friends and some couldn’t relate and some to an extent. Some felt the “baby blues” but I felt like this was much more than that. I couldn’t fully confess my feelings in its entirety to people because deep down I was ashamed and embarrassed. I felt like something was wrong with me. None of my other mom friends had ever told me about something like this so why was I going through this? Was there something mentally wrong with me? No, not at all I figured later on.

After a few more days of utter agony I decided to call my OB and speak with her. My voice wavered on the phone and I could barely explain my feelings. I burst into tears out of dispair and embarrasment. I felt like I let my baby and husband down. Why did I feel this way? Why couldn’t I “mom up” and bask in this wonderful time with my new baby? Why was I dwelling on negative thoughts and feeling anxiety? My OB sensed something was off in my voice and had me come in right away. I was hesitant but I obliged. I mean, at this point I had to figure something out because I didn’t want to do anything, not even leave the house or speak to anyone. I remember clearly sitting in the exam room waiting for her. The second she came in she gave me the biggest most sympathetic hug. Immediately I felt a sense of relief and comfort, comfort I so badly needed. Tears started welling up and I could barely speak. I choked on my words in trying to describe my feelings. I couldn’t sleep, didn’t want to eat and just felt like I wasn’t myself. She said I was definitely not the even tempered person she was used to seeing and suggested I start on a low dosage medication right away to help while my hormones balance out. See, after you give birth immediately you have a drop in hormones and it takes time for everything to come back to normal. I was hesitant to take the pills but when discussing it with my husband for the next couple days he urged me to. He said that I should enjoy this time with our new baby and that this was the way to do it. There was nothing wrong with that. My fears were that I’d have to take these pills forever and I’d never be myself again. I was afraid of it becoming a crutch. After much hesitation he was right. I was losing time with my newborn because of this and I needed to do whatever I could to get better so I could take care of her and enjoy her.

I can’t pinpoint an exact time that I felt better right away but I know it was gradual and it happened. Slowly I felt like myself again, I was able to somehow merge my old identities with my new one, mom. I found ways to adapt to my new role and all the expectations of it. It took time and it was beyond frightful, but I did it. In the beginning I was afraid of being alone with her. Not that I felt like I would do anything to her, it was that I didn’t have confidence in myself to take care of her. It took me a long time to find the courage to take her out on my own. It wasn’t until she was probably 3 months old that I felt comfortable. It was around that time that I decided it was the right time to quit the medication as well. I didn’t want to stay on it long and wanted to see if I was better.

Looking back, I shudder at the thought of how I felt and what I went through. PPD, post partum anxiety and stress are no joke. It can cripple one’s mind. It can be so strong that it can take over everything in you. I wish that this topic were more openly discussed and more information available. It would have helped tremendously if nurses went over this with me before I left the hospital. Furthermore if nurses spoke to husbands about this it could have made a difference. I notice a lot of moms are hesitant to speak up about this because of feeling ashamed or somewhat like a failure. It’s not until I bring it up that other moms chime in as well. Even now, when I do explain this to my soon to be mom friends or non mom friends they don’t quite understand and I can see that same look in their eye as I had that it won’t happen to them. My advice: it can happen to anyone and is more common than you think. It’s best to be prepared for anything than for nothing. This experience completely blindsided me and crippled me mentally and emotionally for weeks. It’s a time I would never want to relive again and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. If you have gone through it don’t be afraid to speak up about it. If you are going through it don’t hesitate to get help immediately. The longer you let it wait the harder it is to help. If you know someone going through it be there for them and do what you can to help. It can be the most loneliest painful thing one has to face and no one should have to do it alone. I can’t tell you how many women I’ve spoken to that felt like they had PPD but because their husbands ignored them or other people made them feel bad about it they just suffered in silence. No one should have to do this!

Today, aside from being delirious from the lack of sleep (and at times patience tested!) I can say that I’ve adapted to motherhood and I love my new role. Just because there wasn’t an immediate bond in the beginning doesn’t mean that I don’t have a strong one now as any other mom. I love this little piglet to infinity and beyond. I never felt or knew a love of this capacity existed. My heart bursts full of love and awe each day and I can’t believe she’s mine. There are times I still cry but it’s because she makes me so happy and I don’t want her to grow up too fast. I’d be perfectly content keeping her this small forever. She’s my life, my heart and my world.

What I Would Have Done Differently

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When asked what I would have done differently during my pregnancy and labor only a few things come to mind for now:

Journal and Memories: I wish I would have documented the pregnancy more and taken more photos. If I could go back I would definitely have at least kept a weekly journal and maybe even make a time capsule for my baby piglet.

PPD: You hear about post partum depression a lot but you always skim past the articles and tune out any talk of it because you don’t really think it could happen to you. If I could go back I would have better educated myself about the subject so that I could have been better prepared and be able to recognize the signs. After I got home from the hospital I had a bad case of stress, anxiety and depression. I didn’t know what hit me. After about a week I had to look up symptoms of PPD but I couldn’t grasp that I had it. Had I been better informed I think I would have sought help quicker rather than suffer alone.

Visitors: I should have been more firm with my husband about visitors. Of course he, not going through childbirth or anything was more than eager to have everyone come visit. But I, just going through quite an ordeal (24 hours of early labor, 16 hours active labor, painful episiotomy, major edema in around my vaginal area which resulted in bodily functions shutting down, malfunctioning bladder, painful catheter insertion, UTI, on top of that PPD… I WAS NOT up for visitors. Of course everyone wants to see the baby and think it’s such a great time. It’s not! Hormones are out of whack, you just birthed out a human being and you are not sure how your life is anymore. Lack of sleep and a newborn on your breast every hour takes a lot out of you. If I could go back, I would have firmly put my foot down, no visitors for 1st two weeks. Immediate family can visit ONCE in the 1st week for a short time.

Night Nurse: I know this is a luxury. But I would have honestly gotten a night nurse. My friend did and it made me regret not doing so. I think it would have made my life, recovery and PPD a lot easier. At least for the 1st month or two! Sleep is everything I’ve learned. Too little of it makes you a monster and wonder every morning how you are still alive. How can one go on sleeping in 2 hour increments with no naps during the day? So yes, next time I’m pregnant if that ever happens I’m getting a night nurse.

New Baby and Relationships

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I know it’s pretty much common sense to know that a new baby will change everything in your life right? Everything, including your relationships with everyone in your life. I spent so much time preparing for a new baby and myself, that I completely didn’t prepare for the changes I was about to face with my husband, friends and family. I feel like one of the things to put on your list to prepare for a new baby is to take the time to go over which relationships matter most to you and what changes to expect. Not enough time is spent on this subject and once baby arrives, there is NO TIME AT ALL to go over it.

Partner: So much time is put towards preparing for this new baby along with all the classes you want to take just to make sure you know what you are doing. We took ALL the classes! Everything from Infant CPR, Breastfeeding Basics, Newborn Care, Labor and Delivery, you name it we took it. What people failed to mention in these classes was that your relationship with your significant other will change dramatically, especially in the first few months. With your hormones out of whack, a new human being that you just pushed out, and adjusting to ZERO sleep, have NO DOUBT that you will be a different person. There really needs to be a class that you can take before you have a baby that emotionally and mentally prepares the both of you through this journey together. Just like how there are classes you take before you get married, there should be classes to take before you have a baby that prepare you for the changes you will see in each other. I really didn’t think much of this to be honest, I just thought “Hey, I’m going to have a baby, and it will be different postpartum for a bit then it will go back to normal”. That’s not the case most of the time. I mean, there is an exception to this rule where there are couples that remain lovey dovey and completely perfect through this new chapter but I’ve only seen one couple in my entire life and they are an anomaly I tell you. Okay, so what changes? Everything. First off, once you get home from the hospital not only are you healing mentally and physically but you now have to get the hang of breastfeeding every 1-2 hours around the clock. The house will be in shambles, you will barely shower and this little human being has taken you captive. The lack of sleep combined with a lack of those “happy hormones” you were getting during pregnancy will turn you into someone with zero patience. Now this all depends on how well you deal with stress and lack of sleep. I for one, am the type of person that needs 8 full hours and can’t deal with hunger. So I was not that pretty to deal with. My poor husband, I know many times has had to deal with me biting his head off, but that’s just what happens when you are working with 2 hours of sleep a night for 5 months. For the first few months you are all about the baby and nothing else, so your partner may very well feel neglected. This in turn can change them as well. You may feel like your baby is all you need in this world and it’s you against your partner. Fights will make you feel even more distant and apart. Hunger and fatigue will make you say things you didn’t mean. You may feel like you need more from your partner and get resentful if it’s not happening. Then you will feel like “Well, is this what it’s going to be like? Is this relationship going to work out?” Before I answer that, let me say that a weak and unstable relationship pre-baby will only get more rocky. A baby does not solve problems nor does it mend problems or issues. A relationship that is not strong, will not withstand. A baby will truly test your relationship, partnership or marriage. You both will be worn down thin then left to deal with each other. This relationship CAN work, IF BOTH parties keep communication open and adapt. Voice your expectations but in a way that can be best received. Bring up concerns and if you want to see changes made. Try to remember that you both are on the same team, not opposing parties. Most of all, don’t lose sight of the love you have for one another and make a vow to show this love often. A new baby at times will let you lose sight of the love you share. If you can get over the rough hump together, then you can make it work. When the baby starts to sleep longer and need you less, you will start to sleep a little more and in turn, be a little nicer. I will tell you, after many spats, disagreements and tears, me and my husband are much better now that we were a couple months ago. It just takes a ton of understanding, patience, communication and a willingness to change on both parts.

Friends: Be prepared to lose friends. I have found that I did lose some friends, BUT it strengthened my bond with others. Finally, friends that were already moms had something new to bond with. I felt like a new relationship ensued and it was great. You definitely need to have some mom friends in your book! As for friends that I lost, this is always the inevitable in these situations. Some friends just feel like they aren’t in the same chapter of life as you anymore and some though happy for you may make them feel lacking about their own lives. Those especially that do not have kids will not understand what you just went through and don’t know how to be there for you, so they just disappear.

Family: Definitely in most circumstances having a new baby should bring you and your family closer. This was not the case with mine as I don’t have a normal family situation. My parents were separated when I was born and my mom is an interesting character. Having a new baby I feel has driven us even further apart for some reason. But for my husband, it has made him closer to his family and has made him see his father in a new light. Now that he is a father, he understands the hard work his father put in when he was young. I think it makes everything come around in full circle where the son/daughter becomes the father/mother.

Gender Reveal… another event to plan.

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As if you don’t have enough on your plate with a new pregnancy, announcing a pregnancy and on top of that a baby shower, seems these days everyone is doing a gender reveal! What is a gender reveal? Well, it’s where the couple reveals the baby’s gender to everyone in some sort of celebration or cute way. It can be at a party, dinner, home or through photos! It can be with close family or with close friends/family, you choose!

I personally always knew I wanted to do a gender reveal party. I had planned on this even before we decided to try to have kids. I would mentally keep note of the different cute ways to do it and all the cute decorations and games. It really is like a mini baby shower minus the gifts. I kept my party guest list limited to about 30 people. We had catered food, games and really cute blue and pink decorations. For the big reveal I had special ordered these mini cupcakes with colored icing in the middle, blue for boy and pink for girl! We passed a cupcake out to everyone and had them bite into it at the same time with us. The outcome was a shocker! We were so sure our “little bean” was a BOY… but she was a girl! I didn’t know how to process it at first but in the end, I wouldn’t have it any other way. She is so sweet and perfect, I would change NOTHING.

I think it’s especially fun to do this type of event especially if it’s your first child. Memories are everything to me and this is something I can share with her when she’s older. She will see our reactions the moment we found out we were having her. Thinking about doing a reveal? Here are some suggestions:

  • Keep it small. Family members and VERY close friends. Anything more than 20-30 people is too much.
  • You CAN do it at home with just immediate family! Get a cake and have colored icing placed inside by the baker or close friend! Cut into it together and film the whole thing!
  • Don’t ask or expect gifts. This is your moment you are sharing with the people that you care about.
  • Make the reveal fun with either a dessert, games or an activity. You can find tons of ideas on Pinterest. I saw a cute one where the couple got a large box and had a friend fill it with either pink or blue balloons. They had to open it in the end to reveal what they were having!
  • Don’t want to do a reveal? You can do one through creative photography and post it on your social media or mail it out to people. Again, Pinterest has a ton of photo ideas!
  • Don’t want to share your reveal with everyone? Plan an intimate night out just you two and have the results in an envelope. Open it together and celebrate!

Documenting your pregnancy can result in a lot of saved memories and experiences that you can share with your little one later! It may seem like a long ways away till your little one arrives but trust me, it’s around the corner! It flew by really fast for me. I regret not journaling more, taking more photos and documenting more things!

The 1st Trimester

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Out of all the trimesters I would say the 1st took the longest. It seemed like time stood still especially with the fact that we chose to wait till I reached 12 weeks before we told anyone. We both wanted to shout it to the world! I remember it being extremely hard keeping this secret to ourselves. I would say this was THE biggest secret I’ve ever had to keep mum about! I didn’t even tell my mom or my closest friends!

I definitely was hit with “morning sickness” except it hit me at night right before bed on the dot. I remember the wave of nausea, the stomach churning and the sour taste in my mouth. The headaches! Oh the headaches, how they would cripple me! I was so paranoid about anything I put in my body that I refused to take any type of pain medication for it even though the doctor said Tylenol was okay. I had my “little bean” inside me and I wanted as least chemicals inside my body as possible. She was the only thing that mattered to me now.

During this time I didn’t quite have that feeling that a life was growing inside of me yet I didn’t really feel like myself anymore. Food didn’t really taste the same to me and I’m a major FOODIE! I was worried that I wasn’t getting enough nutrients to her so I just forced myself to eat a ton of salads, fruits and protein. I remember going online and printing out food charts and what the best things to eat were. I was going to give my best to the “little bean” and only the best.

Okay, so one of THE most challenging things was what to do once you find out you are pregnant. I don’t have a lot of family and my mother and I are not that close so I really didn’t have any guidance. So if you are reading this and newly pregnant here is my list of things you need to do in your 1st trimester:

  • Find an OBGYN if you don’t already have one and make an appointment. Most won’t see you until you are about 6-8 weeks along. Make a list of questions that you want to ask him/her. Things I look for in an OBGYN: reviews/ratings, good bed side manners, C-section rates, how long he/she has been practicing for, any malpractice suits or complaints, if they will work with your birth plan and lastly, how much time they spend with me and how they answer my questions.
  • Find a hospital that you want to deliver at and figure out if your OBGYN delivers there. Take a tour of the facility, ask a ton of questions. If your OBGYN of choice does not deliver there then you have to either pick a hospital they are affiliated with or pick an OBGYN that is at your hospital of choice. Things I look for in a hospital: reviews/ratings, C-section rates, clean and state of the art facilities, distance from home.
  • Start your prenatal vitamins ASAP and take them religiously. I also took DHA vitamins for brain development too. Keep taking these even after you deliver especially if you plan on breast feeding.
  • Choose ONE pregnancy book to read. You don’t need to do this but I do this because I like to be informed of EVERYTHING and be prepared for ANYTHING. This is a life you are growing inside of you, information is EVERYTHING at this point. I liked “What to Expect When You Are Expecting”, it was extremely informative, easy to read and covered everything from proper diet, exercise to common questions.
  • If you are able to and don’t have any health complications, please exercise. This can be one of the best things you could EVER do for you and your little one. My OBGYN put it perfectly when she said labor and delivery are like a marathon that you have to train for. It is really draining and exhausting! Also, it’s so much better for the baby if you keep up on exercise! You don’t have to do anything crazy, daily walks outside or on treadmill, yoga, light aerobics, etc., will all help! Plus, you will bounce back easier after birth if you were already in shape. I was already active prior to getting pregnant so I stayed active all the way up to 40 weeks. In my 1st and 2nd trimester I did a lot of classes like Cardio Kickboxing (modified of course) and Cardio Barre, Yoga, elliptical machine, weights (you need to start building some upper body strength!) and lots of walking (I walked at least 3 miles). Of course, run everything by your doctor first before trying anything! Side note: By your 2nd trimester you shouldn’t be doing anything where you are laying on your back, so learn how to modify your work outs!
  • Clean up your diet if you haven’t already. Research things you can and cannot eat. Load up on nutritious foods and snacks. Drink a TON of water. I can’t stress this enough. You need so much water at this point to help the baby and his/her environment grow! Also, this is OBVIOUS but quit smoking, drinking and drugs please! Saying things like “I didn’t know” isn’t an excuse anymore. You became a mother once a life started growing inside of you. The information is readily available out there today, it’s up to you to seek it out.
  • Start thinking about what kind of birth you want to have: natural, at home, mid wife assisted, in hospital with epidural, etc.
  • Check with your medical insurance on what prenatal and postnatal costs are covered and not covered.
  • Get lots of rest! Making a baby is HARD WORK mama!
  • Find 3 mom friends that you can openly contact at any time to ask questions and solicit advice from. 2-3 friends are good, any more than that then all the information and differing opinions can be cumbersome. I think I had 2-3 friends whom I could text at any hour to either ask questions, advice or just plain vent to. Trust me, you need this!
  • Start saving money!

This is the time to sit your significant other down and really go over what kind of scenarios they can expect from you. Your hormones start to get overwhelming and you could very well turn into someone different for the next 9 months! Let them know that there is exhaustion, sickness, things you need help getting done, etc. Split the tasks with them! Growing a baby inside of you is not an easy job and can feel like every ounce of life is being drained from your body. Unless you have gone through it you would never know! This is the time to go over expectations and help the other person understand what you need and how it may be so they are better prepared!

Hang in there! Once you hit your 2nd trimester your energy comes back and more exciting things start happening like flutters, kicks and watching your belly grow!