Category Archives: Relationships

Losing Friendships

Posted in New Mom Chronicles, Relationships by

I’ve touched on this topic before in previous posts but lately I’ve been feeling it more than ever. Becoming a mom brings you closer to your family in ways and makes you grow apart from certain friends. I used to have a lot of close friends but these days, I can hardly think of a couple. I don’t know if it’s the pregnancy hormones still looming about (I was told it could take a few years to level out!) but I’ve been a little sad about it lately.

I LOVE having my little one as my bestie. She ALWAYS wants to be wish me, around me and to be held by me. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I guess I just feel like I’m mourning the loss of some friendships. It’s funny because there were people that I thought would be more involved in our lives and take an interest in her growth but to my surprise it was completely the opposite. They’ve grown more silent than ever, more absorbed in their own lives and doing their own thing. Am I being selfish? I guess I had certain expectations and I guess I expected people to act as how I would have if the shoe were on the other foot. I feel like if you are a close friend you would want to take interest in my baby’s growth and want to take an active role in getting to know her. Is that too much to ask?

After birth, I had a rough recovery, a rough road. I had a bout of some really narly post partum depression and it was quite a journey to get myself out of it. I just remember having a super difficult time climbing out and needed all the support I could get. Not many were around and not many cared to even know what I was going through. All but one friend really understood my situation and I’m thankful she stood by me all hours of the night and day. She came to my rescue countless times.

My little piglet is now 9 months old and I am happy to say that I have adapted pretty well to my new role in motherhood. Of course everyday is a new learning experience and I have a long way to go but I still do have moments where it’s hard to cope. My hormones are still crazy at times and sometimes I feel really lost. There are moments of loneliness, helplessness, a loss of identity, stress, anxiety and extreme exhaustion. Sometimes I just need a hug and someone to tell me it’s going to be okay! I think this is where I feel the mourning of my friendships. Like I’m over here screaming silently asking for help and no one even notices.

In the end what matters most is your family. Friendships that aren’t meant to be will fall to the wayside and those meant to last will stay. Friendships I thought would strengthen didn’t but there were a couple friendships that blossomed and I have to focus on those instead. Becoming a mother is all about change I just need to let my life and relationships go where it takes me!

Motherhood Changed Me

Posted in New Mom Chronicles, Relationships, Sleepless Nights by

The second my little Piglet was born, I felt different. Well of course I felt different I’m the proud new parent of a small human being. But it was something else I tell you. Other chambers in myself opened whilst others shut forever. I was the old Jen but somehow with tweaks in my personality. Sleep deprivation definitely was responsible for the grouch in me but there was more. Suddenly nothing else mattered but HER. Everything about her came first. I would think of her 24 hours a day and research all about sleep patterns, feeding, babies, raising them, do’s and don’ts, products, shop for her, etc. I was and still am completely wrapped up in her.

My viewpoint towards people and friends changed a ton. Friends that didn’t care about my new life were no longer close friends to me. Naturally I grew apart from them. People that didn’t mind their manners about germs, being sick around her or being mindful of her nap time were wretched to me. I laugh. Because I know. It’s crazy. I get crazy mom syndrome sometimes and I’ll admit it. Anyone, and I mean anyone that comes over and isn’t mindful of her naps and what she needs gets to see my dark side, and it’s not pleasant. Lol. It’s all about her.

I cared less about myself. Okay this is bad but good. Bad for me, good for her, sort of. I put all of my energy and life into caring for her, nurturing her and making sure she has everything she needs. I spend time grooming her development and keeping her entertained. I would much rather spend money and time into making sure she has all the toys, games, and clothes she needs rather than spend on myself. The other day I felt guilty about buying sneakers. Why did I buy them? Ever since I got pregnant my feet swelled up and never went back. I needed comfortable shoes to carry her around in. Above all, material items aside, I give her all of me, my time, attention and love. And I’ll keep doing it no matter what. Yes, I’ve let myself go a bit, I’m not as thin and I don’t spend time applying makeup or curling my hair anymore. I really wish I could trust me, but that extra time goes to her and it’s deserving because one day I’ll blink and she will be 16.

Things that used to matter don’t matter anymore. It’s true. You become more focused on your family rather than going out, being around certain groups or spending frivolously on things (unless it’s for Piglet!). You start paying more attention on relationships that matter rather than unfruitful ones.

If you were not already in tune to world events or news even, you start to pay attention because it’s the world your little one will grow up in. Suddenly you worry because he or she will have to be around this. I became more eco-friendly when I became pregnant. I switched out all of my personal and home products. I make sure I recycle and not waste. I try to research all products before purchase. I am even trying to be more energy efficient. I want her to learn these things so she can help preserve our world so that she has a world to live in.

I’m not as nice. For the time being (hopefully). To everyone else besides my Piglet. I hate to say this but it’s true. My patience is tested to the core and I get no sleep or rest day to day. I have nothing left in me to be cordial or deal with small talk. The bags under my eyes speak for themselves. I barely know what day it is anymore and I don’t really care about anything else but getting her naps and feedings in. I have a very low tolerance for B.S. and I’m quick to snap.

On an end note, most of all that’s changed about me is the immense love my heart could hold and feel. I never knew my heart could give this much love or I could feel this way for another. On top of this it grows stronger with each day. I look at her and my heart wants to explode out of my chest. The words “she’s mine” leave my mouth and I hug her close to my heart. My biggest accomplishment is this little human who challenges me in the most meaningful ways each and every day.

New Baby and Relationships

Posted in Childbirth, New Mom Chronicles, Pregnancy, Relationships by

I know it’s pretty much common sense to know that a new baby will change everything in your life right? Everything, including your relationships with everyone in your life. I spent so much time preparing for a new baby and myself, that I completely didn’t prepare for the changes I was about to face with my husband, friends and family. I feel like one of the things to put on your list to prepare for a new baby is to take the time to go over which relationships matter most to you and what changes to expect. Not enough time is spent on this subject and once baby arrives, there is NO TIME AT ALL to go over it.

Partner: So much time is put towards preparing for this new baby along with all the classes you want to take just to make sure you know what you are doing. We took ALL the classes! Everything from Infant CPR, Breastfeeding Basics, Newborn Care, Labor and Delivery, you name it we took it. What people failed to mention in these classes was that your relationship with your significant other will change dramatically, especially in the first few months. With your hormones out of whack, a new human being that you just pushed out, and adjusting to ZERO sleep, have NO DOUBT that you will be a different person. There really needs to be a class that you can take before you have a baby that emotionally and mentally prepares the both of you through this journey together. Just like how there are classes you take before you get married, there should be classes to take before you have a baby that prepare you for the changes you will see in each other. I really didn’t think much of this to be honest, I just thought “Hey, I’m going to have a baby, and it will be different postpartum for a bit then it will go back to normal”. That’s not the case most of the time. I mean, there is an exception to this rule where there are couples that remain lovey dovey and completely perfect through this new chapter but I’ve only seen one couple in my entire life and they are an anomaly I tell you. Okay, so what changes? Everything. First off, once you get home from the hospital not only are you healing mentally and physically but you now have to get the hang of breastfeeding every 1-2 hours around the clock. The house will be in shambles, you will barely shower and this little human being has taken you captive. The lack of sleep combined with a lack of those “happy hormones” you were getting during pregnancy will turn you into someone with zero patience. Now this all depends on how well you deal with stress and lack of sleep. I for one, am the type of person that needs 8 full hours and can’t deal with hunger. So I was not that pretty to deal with. My poor husband, I know many times has had to deal with me biting his head off, but that’s just what happens when you are working with 2 hours of sleep a night for 5 months. For the first few months you are all about the baby and nothing else, so your partner may very well feel neglected. This in turn can change them as well. You may feel like your baby is all you need in this world and it’s you against your partner. Fights will make you feel even more distant and apart. Hunger and fatigue will make you say things you didn’t mean. You may feel like you need more from your partner and get resentful if it’s not happening. Then you will feel like “Well, is this what it’s going to be like? Is this relationship going to work out?” Before I answer that, let me say that a weak and unstable relationship pre-baby will only get more rocky. A baby does not solve problems nor does it mend problems or issues. A relationship that is not strong, will not withstand. A baby will truly test your relationship, partnership or marriage. You both will be worn down thin then left to deal with each other. This relationship CAN work, IF BOTH parties keep communication open and adapt. Voice your expectations but in a way that can be best received. Bring up concerns and if you want to see changes made. Try to remember that you both are on the same team, not opposing parties. Most of all, don’t lose sight of the love you have for one another and make a vow to show this love often. A new baby at times will let you lose sight of the love you share. If you can get over the rough hump together, then you can make it work. When the baby starts to sleep longer and need you less, you will start to sleep a little more and in turn, be a little nicer. I will tell you, after many spats, disagreements and tears, me and my husband are much better now that we were a couple months ago. It just takes a ton of understanding, patience, communication and a willingness to change on both parts.

Friends: Be prepared to lose friends. I have found that I did lose some friends, BUT it strengthened my bond with others. Finally, friends that were already moms had something new to bond with. I felt like a new relationship ensued and it was great. You definitely need to have some mom friends in your book! As for friends that I lost, this is always the inevitable in these situations. Some friends just feel like they aren’t in the same chapter of life as you anymore and some though happy for you may make them feel lacking about their own lives. Those especially that do not have kids will not understand what you just went through and don’t know how to be there for you, so they just disappear.

Family: Definitely in most circumstances having a new baby should bring you and your family closer. This was not the case with mine as I don’t have a normal family situation. My parents were separated when I was born and my mom is an interesting character. Having a new baby I feel has driven us even further apart for some reason. But for my husband, it has made him closer to his family and has made him see his father in a new light. Now that he is a father, he understands the hard work his father put in when he was young. I think it makes everything come around in full circle where the son/daughter becomes the father/mother.