Tag Archives: labor

Don’t Worry About That Instant Bond

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Soon to be moms keep hearing about other mom’s stories of their “love at first sight” and instant bond with their newborn. You see it in movies all the time and hear all the love stories. People will keep telling you how amazing it’s going to be and how you will instantly feel a love and bond like no other. You will go home from the hospital and it will be an amazing time just “oohing” and “aahing” over this new baby. This will be the honeymoon period of your birth!

I’m here to say DON’T put pressure on yourself to feel this and don’t even think or agonize about how you are going to feel when that tiny human comes out of you. Way too many things are going on mentally, emotionally and physically that the last thing you need is to worry about whether you are feeling enough love for your new baby. If you do, great, if not, DON’T WORRY, it happens on its own and you will get there. I think a lot of moms lie when asked if it was “love at first sight”. Hey I get it, sometimes I’m ashamed to admit that I didn’t have that fairytale birth where I looked into her eyes and love overwhelmed my heart and soul. Don’t get me wrong, when she was born it was amazing. I cried when the doctor laid her on my chest and when I held her, whoa, it was unreal. I definitely LOVED her and felt a connection. But it wasn’t like the stories I have heard. The bond definitely took some time to build and the love definitely did not come rushing through all at once. Not to fret though, my love for her now is so overwhelming I cry when I think of it. She makes every fiber of my heart melt and I love her more (if that’s even possible) each day. The bond I have with her is something I can’t even begin to explain.

So kudos to the mamas who had the fairytale births, it does happen for many moms, this I know! But if you are one of the mamas who didn’t have this uber emotional lovey dovey birth and you are sitting there wondering if something is wrong with you, don’t worry, nothing is wrong. When you give birth immediately there is a decline in those happy hormones and some women encounter medical issues so it makes it hard to focus on bonding with baby. For me I had a rough experience and post partum depression so it definitely made the bonding period challenging for me. No birth experiences are ever the same so don’t base someone else’s experience to what you are going to face. Yours will be unique entirely on its own. Just know, whether you bond at the hospital or days or weeks later at home, it will be amazing and the love you will feel will make everything worth it.

What I Would Have Done Differently

Posted in Childbirth, New Mom Chronicles, Pregnancy by

When asked what I would have done differently during my pregnancy and labor only a few things come to mind for now:

Journal and Memories: I wish I would have documented the pregnancy more and taken more photos. If I could go back I would definitely have at least kept a weekly journal and maybe even make a time capsule for my baby piglet.

PPD: You hear about post partum depression a lot but you always skim past the articles and tune out any talk of it because you don’t really think it could happen to you. If I could go back I would have better educated myself about the subject so that I could have been better prepared and be able to recognize the signs. After I got home from the hospital I had a bad case of stress, anxiety and depression. I didn’t know what hit me. After about a week I had to look up symptoms of PPD but I couldn’t grasp that I had it. Had I been better informed I think I would have sought help quicker rather than suffer alone.

Visitors: I should have been more firm with my husband about visitors. Of course he, not going through childbirth or anything was more than eager to have everyone come visit. But I, just going through quite an ordeal (24 hours of early labor, 16 hours active labor, painful episiotomy, major edema in around my vaginal area which resulted in bodily functions shutting down, malfunctioning bladder, painful catheter insertion, UTI, on top of that PPD… I WAS NOT up for visitors. Of course everyone wants to see the baby and think it’s such a great time. It’s not! Hormones are out of whack, you just birthed out a human being and you are not sure how your life is anymore. Lack of sleep and a newborn on your breast every hour takes a lot out of you. If I could go back, I would have firmly put my foot down, no visitors for 1st two weeks. Immediate family can visit ONCE in the 1st week for a short time.

Night Nurse: I know this is a luxury. But I would have honestly gotten a night nurse. My friend did and it made me regret not doing so. I think it would have made my life, recovery and PPD a lot easier. At least for the 1st month or two! Sleep is everything I’ve learned. Too little of it makes you a monster and wonder every morning how you are still alive. How can one go on sleeping in 2 hour increments with no naps during the day? So yes, next time I’m pregnant if that ever happens I’m getting a night nurse.

Things No One Tells You About Birth and the Aftermath

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You have no idea how many times my eyes widened or I questioned if I was really going through this. How come no one told me? How come my friends didn’t warn me? Why didn’t I read about this in the baby books?! Was this taboo to talk about? I really could have used a warning or two! Honestly, if I could go back and had the chance to be forewarned about these things I would have gladly taken the caution. I was absolutely appalled at what I was asked to do and had no idea that some of these things were supposed to happen.

Poop on the Table. You might poop on the table as you give birth. Yes it happens, not many talk about or want to talk about it. Many try to forget it. Some ask that they are not told if they did or not. I may have, not sure, but I will tell you in that moment you won’t care! You just want that baby out of you!

The Uterine Massage. Okay so as if it wasn’t enough to be in labor and push out a human being, they come and tell you they are now going to “massage” your uterus. Take the term “massage” loosely. I think they say that so you don’t jump out of bed or take your foot out of the stirrup and kick them in the face. I’ve heard that even when you have a C-Section they still do this no matter what! This is in no way a gentle, soothing, relaxing procedure. Two hands dig into your abdomen kneading and pushing and forcing the placenta out. I winced in pain appalled that pushing a baby out wasn’t the end of this. After the massage was over, I then “delivered” the placenta. This in which is sometimes spoken of but not sure if you can ever be prepared enough to see it. I just remember my eyes widened in horror and I couldn’t believe that big bloody gelatinous glob came out of me.

The First Pee. So you just went through labor and delivery. You JUST pushed out a baby. Your vagina and everything else surrounding it is torn, ripped, throbbing and has been through hell and back. If you had a C-Section then you must feel like you have just been cut open like a chicken. Well, don’t get too comfortable in your bed lady. About 30 minutes to an hour after you deliver, the nurses basically force you to stand up and walk to the bathroom to PEE. I laugh as I write this because I remember looking at my nurse, shaking my head as if I heard her wrong and asking her “You want me to do what?”. She said “You need to get up and go to the bathroom to pee.” But I don’t have to! It doesn’t matter. It’s so important that you pee right after you give birth and for them to witness and measure your pee so they can see that everything is working okay down there. Otherwise say hello to Mr. Catheter which I ended up needing. So back to getting up from the bed. I was in so much pain from the birth and from being stitched up that it hurt so much to even move around in bed let alone having to swing my legs over and to stand up. My husband and a nurse had to help me up and they slowly helped me shimmy my way to the bathroom which felt like 10 miles away. Let me add that once you stand up, you feel the gush of warm bloody fluid exit your vagina. It’s almost shocking how much comes out that you feel like you are hemorrhaging! Once we got to the bathroom, they asked that I sit down on the toilet (yes, sit down!) and pee. Everyone (husband included) were all standing there watching. Unsurprisingly, nothing happened. Finally I asked if I could get some privacy, the pressure and the eyes on me were just too much. Not 35 seconds later I hear a knock and it’s my husband asking if I’m doing alright. Sigh. LEAVE ME ALONE! 45 seconds later the nurse comes in and says to spray some warm water down there to get things going. Nope, didn’t help. I kept asking for time but no one wanted to give it. Up the catheter it went, which was SO PAINFUL because they had to basically poke around my new stitches and push something up there where something just came ripping out of. OUCH.

The 24 Hour a Day Checks. After I gave birth I was in the hospital 2 full days and nights. The nurses come and check in on you around the clock and I mean around the clock whether it be at 3am or 3pm. They come in, take your blood pressure, check if you have a fever AND they constantly make you lie down and then proceed to poke around down there. They move your giant diaper sized pad around, press deeply into your tender abdomen, take a deeper look to see how much you are bleeding and they pat your stitches. All I could think of was screaming “Leave my vagina alone already, don’t you know what it just went through?!”

The Blood and Smell. Be prepared to wear diapers for 2 months! I knew I was going to bleed afterwards. I thought for maybe a couple weeks and that it would be like a period. NO WAY. This was like the Red Sea had exploded inside of me. Blood gushed endlessly for weeks. Every time I stood up an ocean of it came gushing down prompting me to change my pad yet again. And the smell oh the horror! I can’t even describe this, what they call (yes there’s a name for it) “lochia”. No matter how many times I washed, changed, aired out, it still was there. It didn’t completely go away for at least 8 weeks!

After Birth Contractions. So they don’t tell you that after you give birth you will still feel these contractions, especially if you try to breastfeed. These contractions were not in any way as bad as the pre-birth ones but they weren’t pleasant. I constantly thought something was wrong inside of me or a 2nd baby was trying to make its way out.

The First Poo. I never thought of this up until I got closer to my due date. “What happens when I poo? OMG, how am I going to poo?” I never read about this in the books I got and I never heard girlfriends discuss this at baby showers and gatherings. My girlfriend finally brought it up to me and said it wasn’t that bad. Just take stool softeners. Hmmm, okay. Well I guess if other women have done it then so can I. After I gave birth, they immediately handed me a stool softener pill to take along with pain medication (a Norco to be exact). I popped the Norcos ’round the clock while I was in the hospital because the abdominal pain was too much. Much to my dismay, I wasn’t told about the side effects of these little gems! They tend to cause something called CONSTIPATION. You do not want to have just given birth and be constipated at the same time. Stool softeners will NOT help as they soften the stool that is newly produced not what has already been sitting in your system. So a few days after being discharged from the hospital I ended up at the ER for a malfunctioning bladder and extreme constipation. I mean, so extreme I was in pain and wanted to die. My stitches felt like they were being ripped apart. Advice? Take laxatives a few days before your due date and stay away from the Norcos ladies. No Bueno. Let’s just end this with my first poo being worst than pushing my baby out. I barely made it out of the bathroom alive.

Fart. Before you leave the hospital the nurses constantly ask you if you passed gas. You MUST pass gas before you can pass go. Seriously. Make sure you pass your gas and tell your nurses you did!

The Drive Home. THE WORST DRIVE EVER. You will feel all the bumps, potholes and turns! You will curse at your partner and scream and yell. You will grip onto what you can and grit your teeth. Suggestion? Invest in one of those donut pillows. Those are literally a lifesaver for the next 6 weeks.

Don’t Look Down. Your vagina will never look the same. Most of us don’t want to think about this. But I suggest not looking down there for 3 months, UNLESS you feel like something is really wrong and need to check. Otherwise, save yourself the scare and keep the pocket mirror out of the bathroom.

Sex. Is. Going. To. Hurt. This will hurt more than your first time ever did. You will feel like you are not going to make it out of this alive. You will want to crawl away and hide. But you will make it through, it will hurt several times over. But you will get through this and it will get better!

Mental Block. You will swear up and down that you will never do this again. The pain and agony fresh in your mind as you sit there and bleed out everyday. About 3-4 months later, slowly your memory of the experience gets foggy and it doesn’t seem as bad anymore. Your newborn isn’t a newborn anymore and cries less and sleeps more. Suddenly a 2nd doesn’t seem so bad does it?

“Mommy’s Thumb”. Okay this is a real thing, Google it. This happens particularly to new moms with no experience in how to hold a baby. I was holding my baby a lot and letting the weight of her head strain my right thumb. It got to be so painful that I would wake up in the morning with it feeling completely numb. I remember not being able to hold her without wincing in pain. I felt like I had arthritis or like my thumb was broken. I looked it up (because I like to self-diagnose myself via the internet) and lo and behold “Mommy’s Thumb”.

Pap Smear. Yes, about 6-8 weeks after pushing a human out of your vagina your OB will want to perform a pap smear on you and dig around your uterus to see how things are going down there.

Hatred for Hubby. Okay not hatred, but extreme irritation. This is mostly the hormones, lack of sleep and stress causing you to act out. I promise that it gets better and you will look at him one day as your hubby again. Babies completely change a relationship/marriage! But with work, communication and understanding you will be able to find your way back again.

Losing Friends. Be prepared to lose friends. Especially those with no kids. You won’t be able to hold a decent convo with someone without getting distracted by baby and hardly be able to speak about things that are non-baby related.