Tag Archives: newmom

Random Mom Hacks/Tips for Shopping

Posted in New Mom Chronicles, Shopping by

Note: This post will be updated regularly to add more tips as I find them!

Baby Registries: I had the worst experience with Babies R’ Us so I don’t recommend going with them. Loved my experience with Amazon as they have a great completion discount and if you have Prime it’s even more! I hear Target is great too!

Babies R’ Us: Hated this store at first but love how they price match other competitors. I recommend taking advantage of this all the time! They price match with Amazon as well! My local Babies R’ Us takes non-expired Bed Bath Beyond and Buy Buy Baby coupons so make sure you check if yours does too! Every so often they do have good sales. I like the Babyganics and Dapple brand. Every other month they have a “buy one get one 50% off” sale on those brands. If you can find a manufacturer’s coupon on top then you are set! Don’t ever buy Carter’s brand clothing here unless it’s on clearance. You can find it way cheaper at the Carter’s store. More about Carter’s below.

Buy Buy Baby: This is by far my favorite baby store and they also price match as well! They carry way more selection and the customer service is top notch. They also take non-expired Bed Bath Beyond coupons. Definitely sign up for their emails for monthly coupons!

Target: Target price matches as well. But I believe you have to buy the item then if you find it cheaper elsewhere or on their website they will match it within 14 days. Also, download the Cartwheel app for even more savings. I’ve saved so far over $60 with the app and have been actively using it for 4 or 5 months. Take note of their random promotions like “Baby Week”. For example they will have something like this: Buy $150 worth of baby items, get $25 Target gift card. But on top of that if you buy select diaper brands you can get an extra $10 gift card per 2 boxes bought. I did this the other day and got $55 back worth of gift cards AND I used the coupons on the Cartwheel app. Going back today to do the same thing but with manufacturer coupons on top of that as well! I heard  it can get as cheap as $8 for a large box of diapers! So cheap!

Carter’s: I may as well just hand cash over to Carter’s every month because this store just gets me every time. WAIT UNTIL major holidays to really buy out the store. That’s when they have promotions like “extra 30% off clearance” and “everything 50-60% off in store”. They do always have sales but I notice around the holidays it’s even better. Also, sign up for their emails to get that monthly coupon: 20% off your $40+ purchase or 15% off your $20+purchase.

Formula: Sign up online with Enfamil and Similac for their monthly coupons. You can get around $5 off with each check!

Bed Bath Beyond: I know that they don’t have a lot of in-store baby items. But if you want any household goods or partake in any of their sales be sure to use their 20% off coupons! Sign up to get them emailed and mailed to your house. THEY WILL TAKE EXPIRED COUPONS AND ALLOW YOU TO STACK AS MANY AS YOU WANT!!! I have gone in and used 20 of their coupons at once!

Supermarkets: Always check the back clearance section (usually by the butcher department or restrooms). On occasion I have found damaged diaper boxes (diapers in tact and okay) marked down 60%. These were Pampers brand so not too shabby!

 

Losing Friendships

Posted in New Mom Chronicles, Relationships by

I’ve touched on this topic before in previous posts but lately I’ve been feeling it more than ever. Becoming a mom brings you closer to your family in ways and makes you grow apart from certain friends. I used to have a lot of close friends but these days, I can hardly think of a couple. I don’t know if it’s the pregnancy hormones still looming about (I was told it could take a few years to level out!) but I’ve been a little sad about it lately.

I LOVE having my little one as my bestie. She ALWAYS wants to be wish me, around me and to be held by me. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I guess I just feel like I’m mourning the loss of some friendships. It’s funny because there were people that I thought would be more involved in our lives and take an interest in her growth but to my surprise it was completely the opposite. They’ve grown more silent than ever, more absorbed in their own lives and doing their own thing. Am I being selfish? I guess I had certain expectations and I guess I expected people to act as how I would have if the shoe were on the other foot. I feel like if you are a close friend you would want to take interest in my baby’s growth and want to take an active role in getting to know her. Is that too much to ask?

After birth, I had a rough recovery, a rough road. I had a bout of some really narly post partum depression and it was quite a journey to get myself out of it. I just remember having a super difficult time climbing out and needed all the support I could get. Not many were around and not many cared to even know what I was going through. All but one friend really understood my situation and I’m thankful she stood by me all hours of the night and day. She came to my rescue countless times.

My little piglet is now 9 months old and I am happy to say that I have adapted pretty well to my new role in motherhood. Of course everyday is a new learning experience and I have a long way to go but I still do have moments where it’s hard to cope. My hormones are still crazy at times and sometimes I feel really lost. There are moments of loneliness, helplessness, a loss of identity, stress, anxiety and extreme exhaustion. Sometimes I just need a hug and someone to tell me it’s going to be okay! I think this is where I feel the mourning of my friendships. Like I’m over here screaming silently asking for help and no one even notices.

In the end what matters most is your family. Friendships that aren’t meant to be will fall to the wayside and those meant to last will stay. Friendships I thought would strengthen didn’t but there were a couple friendships that blossomed and I have to focus on those instead. Becoming a mother is all about change I just need to let my life and relationships go where it takes me!

Don’t Worry About That Instant Bond

Posted in Childbirth, Pregnancy by

Soon to be moms keep hearing about other mom’s stories of their “love at first sight” and instant bond with their newborn. You see it in movies all the time and hear all the love stories. People will keep telling you how amazing it’s going to be and how you will instantly feel a love and bond like no other. You will go home from the hospital and it will be an amazing time just “oohing” and “aahing” over this new baby. This will be the honeymoon period of your birth!

I’m here to say DON’T put pressure on yourself to feel this and don’t even think or agonize about how you are going to feel when that tiny human comes out of you. Way too many things are going on mentally, emotionally and physically that the last thing you need is to worry about whether you are feeling enough love for your new baby. If you do, great, if not, DON’T WORRY, it happens on its own and you will get there. I think a lot of moms lie when asked if it was “love at first sight”. Hey I get it, sometimes I’m ashamed to admit that I didn’t have that fairytale birth where I looked into her eyes and love overwhelmed my heart and soul. Don’t get me wrong, when she was born it was amazing. I cried when the doctor laid her on my chest and when I held her, whoa, it was unreal. I definitely LOVED her and felt a connection. But it wasn’t like the stories I have heard. The bond definitely took some time to build and the love definitely did not come rushing through all at once. Not to fret though, my love for her now is so overwhelming I cry when I think of it. She makes every fiber of my heart melt and I love her more (if that’s even possible) each day. The bond I have with her is something I can’t even begin to explain.

So kudos to the mamas who had the fairytale births, it does happen for many moms, this I know! But if you are one of the mamas who didn’t have this uber emotional lovey dovey birth and you are sitting there wondering if something is wrong with you, don’t worry, nothing is wrong. When you give birth immediately there is a decline in those happy hormones and some women encounter medical issues so it makes it hard to focus on bonding with baby. For me I had a rough experience and post partum depression so it definitely made the bonding period challenging for me. No birth experiences are ever the same so don’t base someone else’s experience to what you are going to face. Yours will be unique entirely on its own. Just know, whether you bond at the hospital or days or weeks later at home, it will be amazing and the love you will feel will make everything worth it.

Rules For Visiting Newborns

Posted in Childbirth, New Mom Chronicles by

I touched briefly on this topic in one of my earlier blog posts but felt I needed to dedicate a post just for this. Before I became pregnant I didn’t realize a lot of these things! Seems like common sense to all moms which a majority of the time it is (there are moms or older people that don’t get it) but for non-parents it’s not! It is really important to respect a family and a mom that has a new baby and to abide by their needs and rules when visiting. Here are some guidelines below:

– Ask mom directly if it’s okay to visit and when would be a good time. If you are in contact with dad make sure he gets the green light from mom. A lot of times dads are oblivious and just invite everyone over without mom’s consent. True story. Don’t be pushy or persistent. Every mom and family is different. Some moms don’t mind visitors straight away but for me I really wasn’t ready for visitors until 8 weeks and even then it was only for really close friends and family.

– Bring food! Do not, I repeat do not come empty handed on your first visit. It is unbelievably hectic when you first bring a baby home and a lot of times food is forgotten about so food is always welcome!

– When you come over wash your hands if you are going to hold the baby. Do not kiss the baby! I think it’s so rude when people just go in and grab your baby or kiss your baby all over the face. That’s the quickest way to give baby an illness!

– Do not hog the baby the whole time or expect to just come over and take away from the special beginning bonding moments of this new family. Instead, see if there’s something you can do around the house like a load of laundry, dishes, cooking a meal, walking the dogs, vacuum, etc. This would be beyond helpful. I hate it when people just come over and want to relax on your couch and hold your baby while you have to sit there and entertain while you are completely exhausted!

– Do not stay long. One hour max. Newborns need their rest and so do moms. Last thing we want is to sit there for hours holding up a conversation when all we can think about is when the next time to nurse is.

– Better yet, leave food at the door and go. Include a note or card asking to let you know when a good time to visit is. This would be beyond appreciated!

– If you are sick, beginning to feel sick or even getting over being sick, please stay home!

– If baby starts crying please hand him/her back to parents. Do not force the interaction or think you should try to soothe baby yourself.

– Abide by parents rules! Every family is different, some more lax than others. If a family requires you to be updated on your vaccines then respect their wishes.

Again, every family is different especially when they have several kids vs. 1. When its a family’s first baby it’s definitely a more sensitive time. I’m sure by the 3rd or 4th baby their rules have definitely changed! It’s best to always ask first though, when is a good time to visit and what do you need? My girlfriend Katelyn who has been a tremendous help is the perfect ideal example of a friend that was super respectful, helpful and accomodating. She checked in on me everyday through text and waited until I was ready to invite her over. She never came over empty handed (always yummy food!) and always took the initiative in doing things to help me. She would come over with groceries and cook, hold the baby while I showered, babysat while I ran errands, and left food on my doorstep because she didn’t want to bother me or wake baby. On top of all this she always respected how I wanted to care for my baby even though she had kids of her own and this was my first! She is definitely the ideal mom friend to have and has been beyond helpful and wonderful to my new family.

You Won’t Understand Until…

Posted in New Mom Chronicles, Pregnancy by

You definitely won’t understand another mother’s struggle until you yourself become a mom. It’s so true. I never really put myself in the shoes of my friends who had already had kids way before me. I didn’t get why they were late to functions or always had an excuse to not come out. I wondered why they were always tired and didn’t have time to maintain themselves.  Sometimes keeping in touch would be challenging because they would be MIA or take forever to respond. And what was this talk about scheduling plans around nap time? What was that nonsense??! Ahhh now I know, I am on the other side and have joined my fellow mom friends. I get it now ladies, I understand!

No Sleep, No Rest. – I never thought about this until I was thrown into it after having my little Piglet. Wow. Praise to all the mamas out there. It’s hard! No sleep, no showers and barely any full meals make for a very rough road each day. The first 3 months were a complete blur as I was barely hanging by a thread. It has either gotten better or I have gotten better with dealing with it. I apologize to my mom friends in instances that I didn’t understand why you were always tired! You do not know true exhaustion until you become a mom. I know this is true as I have once worked double shifts as a bartender, triple shifts as a server/bartender, and have gone countless nights with several hours of sleep. It in no way compares to the hours you clock in with motherhood. There is no clocking out!

Going Out – I remember way back when I would ask my mom friends to go out partying or drinking and wouldn’t understand how hard it was to find a sitter. You think hey just ask your mom or friend right? Now that I’m on the other side I a) would much rather stay home with my baby than go partying b) sitters are not that easy to find as I thought c) it’s extremely hard to trust just anyone with your baby, family members included. For instance I don’t think I’d even trust my mom to watch my baby. It’s been 35 years since she held or cared for a baby and many things have changed!

“The Mom Look” – I didn’t understand this look but I often saw it amongst mom friends or random moms in public. The look can be a one of or a combination of the following: short hair, messy bun, ponytail, dirty hair, sweats, yoga pants/leggings, oversized tshirt, vomit or spit up on clothes, flip flops or sneakers, no makeup, chipped nail polish, bags/circles under eyes. Moms out there, I understand now… I understand. Enough said.

Visiting New Moms/Newborns – Okay, if you are visiting a newborn these are things you do beforehand:

– Ask mom directly if it’s okay to visit and when would be a good time. Don’t push. Every mom is different. For me I really wasn’t ready for visitors until 8 weeks.

– Bring food!

– When you come over wash your hands if you are going to hold the baby. Do not kiss the baby!

– Do not hog the baby the whole time or expect to just come over and take away from the beginning bonding moment of this new family. Instead, see if there’s something you can do around the house like a load of laundry, dishes, cooking a meal, walking the dogs, vacuum, etc. This would be beyond helpful. I hate it when people just come over and want to relax on your couch and hold your baby while you have to sit there and entertain while you are completely exhausted!

– Do not stay long. One hour max. Newborns need their rest and so do moms. Last thing we want is to sit there for hours holding up a conversation when all we can think about is when the next time to nurse is.

– Better yet, leave food at the door and go. Include a note or card asking to let you know when a good time to visit is. This would be beyond appreciated!

Friends and New Babies – Of course when you have a friend with a new baby your natural inclination is to congratulate and check in on them. But then you don’t hear from them for a while and the friendship tapers off. It’s not you, it’s this whole new chapter of your friend’s life that she’s trying to adjust to! Even if she’s not responsive, she IS reading your messages and thinking of you. Just because us moms have a new baby in our lives doesn’t mean we want to drop all of our friends. If I could change something I would have made more effort in the past to be there for my friends who just had babies. It’s hard! And you won’t know what I’m talking about until you have gone through it yourself. So just try to be understanding and make the effort in coming to visit, being supportive, and keeping the friendship going. One day you will be a mom too and may need her!

Non-Moms-  To those reading that are not moms yet: Try your best to take the time in understanding what your mom friends are going through. Offer help, support, love and FOOD! If you can, offer to babysit or cook one night! This time is such an overwhelming crazy time in a new mom’s life that it’s hard to sit down and stay in contact with friends. Be there for her and never be “too busy”. You don’t know the meaning of busy until you’ve had kids, trust me.

Motherhood Changed Me

Posted in New Mom Chronicles, Relationships, Sleepless Nights by

The second my little Piglet was born, I felt different. Well of course I felt different I’m the proud new parent of a small human being. But it was something else I tell you. Other chambers in myself opened whilst others shut forever. I was the old Jen but somehow with tweaks in my personality. Sleep deprivation definitely was responsible for the grouch in me but there was more. Suddenly nothing else mattered but HER. Everything about her came first. I would think of her 24 hours a day and research all about sleep patterns, feeding, babies, raising them, do’s and don’ts, products, shop for her, etc. I was and still am completely wrapped up in her.

My viewpoint towards people and friends changed a ton. Friends that didn’t care about my new life were no longer close friends to me. Naturally I grew apart from them. People that didn’t mind their manners about germs, being sick around her or being mindful of her nap time were wretched to me. I laugh. Because I know. It’s crazy. I get crazy mom syndrome sometimes and I’ll admit it. Anyone, and I mean anyone that comes over and isn’t mindful of her naps and what she needs gets to see my dark side, and it’s not pleasant. Lol. It’s all about her.

I cared less about myself. Okay this is bad but good. Bad for me, good for her, sort of. I put all of my energy and life into caring for her, nurturing her and making sure she has everything she needs. I spend time grooming her development and keeping her entertained. I would much rather spend money and time into making sure she has all the toys, games, and clothes she needs rather than spend on myself. The other day I felt guilty about buying sneakers. Why did I buy them? Ever since I got pregnant my feet swelled up and never went back. I needed comfortable shoes to carry her around in. Above all, material items aside, I give her all of me, my time, attention and love. And I’ll keep doing it no matter what. Yes, I’ve let myself go a bit, I’m not as thin and I don’t spend time applying makeup or curling my hair anymore. I really wish I could trust me, but that extra time goes to her and it’s deserving because one day I’ll blink and she will be 16.

Things that used to matter don’t matter anymore. It’s true. You become more focused on your family rather than going out, being around certain groups or spending frivolously on things (unless it’s for Piglet!). You start paying more attention on relationships that matter rather than unfruitful ones.

If you were not already in tune to world events or news even, you start to pay attention because it’s the world your little one will grow up in. Suddenly you worry because he or she will have to be around this. I became more eco-friendly when I became pregnant. I switched out all of my personal and home products. I make sure I recycle and not waste. I try to research all products before purchase. I am even trying to be more energy efficient. I want her to learn these things so she can help preserve our world so that she has a world to live in.

I’m not as nice. For the time being (hopefully). To everyone else besides my Piglet. I hate to say this but it’s true. My patience is tested to the core and I get no sleep or rest day to day. I have nothing left in me to be cordial or deal with small talk. The bags under my eyes speak for themselves. I barely know what day it is anymore and I don’t really care about anything else but getting her naps and feedings in. I have a very low tolerance for B.S. and I’m quick to snap.

On an end note, most of all that’s changed about me is the immense love my heart could hold and feel. I never knew my heart could give this much love or I could feel this way for another. On top of this it grows stronger with each day. I look at her and my heart wants to explode out of my chest. The words “she’s mine” leave my mouth and I hug her close to my heart. My biggest accomplishment is this little human who challenges me in the most meaningful ways each and every day.

Advice

Posted in New Mom Chronicles, Pregnancy by

It seems the moment you announce your pregnancy a ton of advice comes through from everyone around. Some solicited, some unsolicited. I am always open to advice and hearing about other mom’s stories and experience, but to a certain extent. I definitely advise any new moms to surround themselves with at least a few trusted mom friends to call upon when you have questions or need guidance. This is a definite MUST. What I have a problem with is people that don’t have kids of their own giving you advice on how to handle your baby, whether you should vaccinate or not, and how to raise your kids. I also have an issue with older people telling me how they raised their kids 40 plus years ago when EVERYTHING was different back then. If you don’t have kids and didn’t have a baby within the last 10-12 years please don’t give me your two cents.

Advice that I’ve heard that I disagree with:

Keep your baby up all day so she will be tired and sleep better at night.

Keep all the lights on and TV loud at night so she will get used to the noise and interference.

Don’t pick up the baby too much or she will get spoiled.

Don’t let the baby sleep with you or she will be spoiled and want to be with you all the time.

Use a bunch of spices in your baby’s food early on so she won’t be a picky eater.

Look, she’s not tired yet let me play with her some more. (When it’s her scheduled nap time)

Let your baby cry it out. Okay, so I agree and disagree to an extent with this. I agree to not run to pick baby up at the slightest whimper noise or cry (as long as they are not hurt or in danger). I agree with letting baby fuss it out a bit before sleep because some babies just need to do this to settle before sleep. But I don’t agree with shutting their nursery door at night and not returning till the morning while letting them cry and scream the whole night through. I don’t agree with letting your baby cry till he/she vomits, letting her cry and sweat till she soaks through her clothes and sheets, or till she cries and chokes.

All in all, my point is, you will hear a ton of advice from everyone around on how to raise your baby and what to do. Whenever I had a question I would ask 3 different mom friends and also do my own research. I would then choose a method that seemed to work best for me. Sometimes I went with a friend’s advice, sometimes I would blend different opinions together and there were times I just went with my gut instinct. You as a mother should pick what seems best for you and your baby. Never feel pressured to go with your Mom’s, In Law’s, Friend’s or even a website’s advice. This is why I always tell new mom friends that the information is out there, there is NO EXCUSE for not educating yourself about your baby and how to care for he/she!

Post Partum Depression/Anxiety/Stress

Posted in Childbirth, Pregnancy by

You see articles but you scroll past it, you hear stories but you tune yourself out because hey, doesn’t happen that often and what are the chances that it’s going to happen to you right? Wrong. At least for me. Yes, I glanced at articles, I heard about it in the birth classes I took but I figured it was a small probability and it most likely wasn’t going to happen to me. Boy was I in for a big surprise.

After I gave birth I was in awe of my creation, my sweet baby girl. But I didn’t have that immediate bond that I heard other moms talk about. I loved her yes, and cared for her and wanted to make sure she was okay. But the labor had not only drained me, my bladder and my lady areas were causing me much pain. I was mentally fine at the hospital but once we got home I felt like a darkness fell upon me. All of a sudden we were alone, with no safety net of the nurses and a crying baby. Suddenly at home which reminded me of a life prior to this baby made me sad for some reason. A few days later I had to go to the emergency room, my bladder and bodily functions shut down due to the immense swelling of my episiotomy. I had to have a catheter inserted and needed to see a specialist on top of that. Not only was I struggling at home with motherhood, breastfeeding and healing but now I had this on top of it. Let me tell you having a catheter in is NOT the business especially with a newborn. All of this stress I felt at the moment I figured was due to the health issues and normal new mom stress. I cried. All the time. I mean here I was, struggling with latching and milk production, failing bodily functions, a catheter (which my husband had to empty out for me every few hours), a new baby that I had no clue how to take care of and I was in immense pain. To top it off on Saturday morning of that week (I was discharged Tuesday), I woke up with a UTI and a bunch of guests and in laws. I felt like everything was closing in on me. I wanted to run as far as I could and get away from this life I didn’t recognize. I was screaming deep down inside but nobody heard me. I kept telling my husband that I felt weird and down. He didn’t really understand. He just kept inviting his parents over. I get everyone wants to see the new baby but I was barely clinging onto my sanity and my health. I needed as less variables as possible. I think even he, as many classes as he took did not think I was going to have PPD and didn’t recognize the signs.

The following week health wise I felt much better but I still had that cloud looming over me. I felt a deep sense of sadness, anxiety, stress and pain. I wept in the middle of the night because these feelings kept me up. I sobbed while holding the baby. I cried in the shower. I remember crying to my husband and him just sitting in front of the tv and not even looking over at me. I stood by the kitchen crying, telling him I didn’t feel right, I felt sad and felt like my life was over. He really didn’t say anything and didn’t come over to me. Thinking back brings tears to my eyes because this was by far THE most painful time of my life. I remember the pain feeling like the worst break up of your life times 1000. Think of the worst your heart has felt and multiply it. My heart ached and I could barely face each day. With each day the darkness grew and I sank deeper into this hole. I remember telling myself I couldn’t do this, what was I thinking? I’m not cut out for this. I even felt like I had a made a mistake in deciding to have a baby. I was in over my head. How do other moms manage?! I would talk to my other mom friends and some couldn’t relate and some to an extent. Some felt the “baby blues” but I felt like this was much more than that. I couldn’t fully confess my feelings in its entirety to people because deep down I was ashamed and embarrassed. I felt like something was wrong with me. None of my other mom friends had ever told me about something like this so why was I going through this? Was there something mentally wrong with me? No, not at all I figured later on.

After a few more days of utter agony I decided to call my OB and speak with her. My voice wavered on the phone and I could barely explain my feelings. I burst into tears out of dispair and embarrasment. I felt like I let my baby and husband down. Why did I feel this way? Why couldn’t I “mom up” and bask in this wonderful time with my new baby? Why was I dwelling on negative thoughts and feeling anxiety? My OB sensed something was off in my voice and had me come in right away. I was hesitant but I obliged. I mean, at this point I had to figure something out because I didn’t want to do anything, not even leave the house or speak to anyone. I remember clearly sitting in the exam room waiting for her. The second she came in she gave me the biggest most sympathetic hug. Immediately I felt a sense of relief and comfort, comfort I so badly needed. Tears started welling up and I could barely speak. I choked on my words in trying to describe my feelings. I couldn’t sleep, didn’t want to eat and just felt like I wasn’t myself. She said I was definitely not the even tempered person she was used to seeing and suggested I start on a low dosage medication right away to help while my hormones balance out. See, after you give birth immediately you have a drop in hormones and it takes time for everything to come back to normal. I was hesitant to take the pills but when discussing it with my husband for the next couple days he urged me to. He said that I should enjoy this time with our new baby and that this was the way to do it. There was nothing wrong with that. My fears were that I’d have to take these pills forever and I’d never be myself again. I was afraid of it becoming a crutch. After much hesitation he was right. I was losing time with my newborn because of this and I needed to do whatever I could to get better so I could take care of her and enjoy her.

I can’t pinpoint an exact time that I felt better right away but I know it was gradual and it happened. Slowly I felt like myself again, I was able to somehow merge my old identities with my new one, mom. I found ways to adapt to my new role and all the expectations of it. It took time and it was beyond frightful, but I did it. In the beginning I was afraid of being alone with her. Not that I felt like I would do anything to her, it was that I didn’t have confidence in myself to take care of her. It took me a long time to find the courage to take her out on my own. It wasn’t until she was probably 3 months old that I felt comfortable. It was around that time that I decided it was the right time to quit the medication as well. I didn’t want to stay on it long and wanted to see if I was better.

Looking back, I shudder at the thought of how I felt and what I went through. PPD, post partum anxiety and stress are no joke. It can cripple one’s mind. It can be so strong that it can take over everything in you. I wish that this topic were more openly discussed and more information available. It would have helped tremendously if nurses went over this with me before I left the hospital. Furthermore if nurses spoke to husbands about this it could have made a difference. I notice a lot of moms are hesitant to speak up about this because of feeling ashamed or somewhat like a failure. It’s not until I bring it up that other moms chime in as well. Even now, when I do explain this to my soon to be mom friends or non mom friends they don’t quite understand and I can see that same look in their eye as I had that it won’t happen to them. My advice: it can happen to anyone and is more common than you think. It’s best to be prepared for anything than for nothing. This experience completely blindsided me and crippled me mentally and emotionally for weeks. It’s a time I would never want to relive again and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. If you have gone through it don’t be afraid to speak up about it. If you are going through it don’t hesitate to get help immediately. The longer you let it wait the harder it is to help. If you know someone going through it be there for them and do what you can to help. It can be the most loneliest painful thing one has to face and no one should have to do it alone. I can’t tell you how many women I’ve spoken to that felt like they had PPD but because their husbands ignored them or other people made them feel bad about it they just suffered in silence. No one should have to do this!

Today, aside from being delirious from the lack of sleep (and at times patience tested!) I can say that I’ve adapted to motherhood and I love my new role. Just because there wasn’t an immediate bond in the beginning doesn’t mean that I don’t have a strong one now as any other mom. I love this little piglet to infinity and beyond. I never felt or knew a love of this capacity existed. My heart bursts full of love and awe each day and I can’t believe she’s mine. There are times I still cry but it’s because she makes me so happy and I don’t want her to grow up too fast. I’d be perfectly content keeping her this small forever. She’s my life, my heart and my world.

What I Would Have Done Differently

Posted in Childbirth, New Mom Chronicles, Pregnancy by

When asked what I would have done differently during my pregnancy and labor only a few things come to mind for now:

Journal and Memories: I wish I would have documented the pregnancy more and taken more photos. If I could go back I would definitely have at least kept a weekly journal and maybe even make a time capsule for my baby piglet.

PPD: You hear about post partum depression a lot but you always skim past the articles and tune out any talk of it because you don’t really think it could happen to you. If I could go back I would have better educated myself about the subject so that I could have been better prepared and be able to recognize the signs. After I got home from the hospital I had a bad case of stress, anxiety and depression. I didn’t know what hit me. After about a week I had to look up symptoms of PPD but I couldn’t grasp that I had it. Had I been better informed I think I would have sought help quicker rather than suffer alone.

Visitors: I should have been more firm with my husband about visitors. Of course he, not going through childbirth or anything was more than eager to have everyone come visit. But I, just going through quite an ordeal (24 hours of early labor, 16 hours active labor, painful episiotomy, major edema in around my vaginal area which resulted in bodily functions shutting down, malfunctioning bladder, painful catheter insertion, UTI, on top of that PPD… I WAS NOT up for visitors. Of course everyone wants to see the baby and think it’s such a great time. It’s not! Hormones are out of whack, you just birthed out a human being and you are not sure how your life is anymore. Lack of sleep and a newborn on your breast every hour takes a lot out of you. If I could go back, I would have firmly put my foot down, no visitors for 1st two weeks. Immediate family can visit ONCE in the 1st week for a short time.

Night Nurse: I know this is a luxury. But I would have honestly gotten a night nurse. My friend did and it made me regret not doing so. I think it would have made my life, recovery and PPD a lot easier. At least for the 1st month or two! Sleep is everything I’ve learned. Too little of it makes you a monster and wonder every morning how you are still alive. How can one go on sleeping in 2 hour increments with no naps during the day? So yes, next time I’m pregnant if that ever happens I’m getting a night nurse.

Things No One Tells You About Birth and the Aftermath

Posted in Childbirth, New Mom Chronicles by

You have no idea how many times my eyes widened or I questioned if I was really going through this. How come no one told me? How come my friends didn’t warn me? Why didn’t I read about this in the baby books?! Was this taboo to talk about? I really could have used a warning or two! Honestly, if I could go back and had the chance to be forewarned about these things I would have gladly taken the caution. I was absolutely appalled at what I was asked to do and had no idea that some of these things were supposed to happen.

Poop on the Table. You might poop on the table as you give birth. Yes it happens, not many talk about or want to talk about it. Many try to forget it. Some ask that they are not told if they did or not. I may have, not sure, but I will tell you in that moment you won’t care! You just want that baby out of you!

The Uterine Massage. Okay so as if it wasn’t enough to be in labor and push out a human being, they come and tell you they are now going to “massage” your uterus. Take the term “massage” loosely. I think they say that so you don’t jump out of bed or take your foot out of the stirrup and kick them in the face. I’ve heard that even when you have a C-Section they still do this no matter what! This is in no way a gentle, soothing, relaxing procedure. Two hands dig into your abdomen kneading and pushing and forcing the placenta out. I winced in pain appalled that pushing a baby out wasn’t the end of this. After the massage was over, I then “delivered” the placenta. This in which is sometimes spoken of but not sure if you can ever be prepared enough to see it. I just remember my eyes widened in horror and I couldn’t believe that big bloody gelatinous glob came out of me.

The First Pee. So you just went through labor and delivery. You JUST pushed out a baby. Your vagina and everything else surrounding it is torn, ripped, throbbing and has been through hell and back. If you had a C-Section then you must feel like you have just been cut open like a chicken. Well, don’t get too comfortable in your bed lady. About 30 minutes to an hour after you deliver, the nurses basically force you to stand up and walk to the bathroom to PEE. I laugh as I write this because I remember looking at my nurse, shaking my head as if I heard her wrong and asking her “You want me to do what?”. She said “You need to get up and go to the bathroom to pee.” But I don’t have to! It doesn’t matter. It’s so important that you pee right after you give birth and for them to witness and measure your pee so they can see that everything is working okay down there. Otherwise say hello to Mr. Catheter which I ended up needing. So back to getting up from the bed. I was in so much pain from the birth and from being stitched up that it hurt so much to even move around in bed let alone having to swing my legs over and to stand up. My husband and a nurse had to help me up and they slowly helped me shimmy my way to the bathroom which felt like 10 miles away. Let me add that once you stand up, you feel the gush of warm bloody fluid exit your vagina. It’s almost shocking how much comes out that you feel like you are hemorrhaging! Once we got to the bathroom, they asked that I sit down on the toilet (yes, sit down!) and pee. Everyone (husband included) were all standing there watching. Unsurprisingly, nothing happened. Finally I asked if I could get some privacy, the pressure and the eyes on me were just too much. Not 35 seconds later I hear a knock and it’s my husband asking if I’m doing alright. Sigh. LEAVE ME ALONE! 45 seconds later the nurse comes in and says to spray some warm water down there to get things going. Nope, didn’t help. I kept asking for time but no one wanted to give it. Up the catheter it went, which was SO PAINFUL because they had to basically poke around my new stitches and push something up there where something just came ripping out of. OUCH.

The 24 Hour a Day Checks. After I gave birth I was in the hospital 2 full days and nights. The nurses come and check in on you around the clock and I mean around the clock whether it be at 3am or 3pm. They come in, take your blood pressure, check if you have a fever AND they constantly make you lie down and then proceed to poke around down there. They move your giant diaper sized pad around, press deeply into your tender abdomen, take a deeper look to see how much you are bleeding and they pat your stitches. All I could think of was screaming “Leave my vagina alone already, don’t you know what it just went through?!”

The Blood and Smell. Be prepared to wear diapers for 2 months! I knew I was going to bleed afterwards. I thought for maybe a couple weeks and that it would be like a period. NO WAY. This was like the Red Sea had exploded inside of me. Blood gushed endlessly for weeks. Every time I stood up an ocean of it came gushing down prompting me to change my pad yet again. And the smell oh the horror! I can’t even describe this, what they call (yes there’s a name for it) “lochia”. No matter how many times I washed, changed, aired out, it still was there. It didn’t completely go away for at least 8 weeks!

After Birth Contractions. So they don’t tell you that after you give birth you will still feel these contractions, especially if you try to breastfeed. These contractions were not in any way as bad as the pre-birth ones but they weren’t pleasant. I constantly thought something was wrong inside of me or a 2nd baby was trying to make its way out.

The First Poo. I never thought of this up until I got closer to my due date. “What happens when I poo? OMG, how am I going to poo?” I never read about this in the books I got and I never heard girlfriends discuss this at baby showers and gatherings. My girlfriend finally brought it up to me and said it wasn’t that bad. Just take stool softeners. Hmmm, okay. Well I guess if other women have done it then so can I. After I gave birth, they immediately handed me a stool softener pill to take along with pain medication (a Norco to be exact). I popped the Norcos ’round the clock while I was in the hospital because the abdominal pain was too much. Much to my dismay, I wasn’t told about the side effects of these little gems! They tend to cause something called CONSTIPATION. You do not want to have just given birth and be constipated at the same time. Stool softeners will NOT help as they soften the stool that is newly produced not what has already been sitting in your system. So a few days after being discharged from the hospital I ended up at the ER for a malfunctioning bladder and extreme constipation. I mean, so extreme I was in pain and wanted to die. My stitches felt like they were being ripped apart. Advice? Take laxatives a few days before your due date and stay away from the Norcos ladies. No Bueno. Let’s just end this with my first poo being worst than pushing my baby out. I barely made it out of the bathroom alive.

Fart. Before you leave the hospital the nurses constantly ask you if you passed gas. You MUST pass gas before you can pass go. Seriously. Make sure you pass your gas and tell your nurses you did!

The Drive Home. THE WORST DRIVE EVER. You will feel all the bumps, potholes and turns! You will curse at your partner and scream and yell. You will grip onto what you can and grit your teeth. Suggestion? Invest in one of those donut pillows. Those are literally a lifesaver for the next 6 weeks.

Don’t Look Down. Your vagina will never look the same. Most of us don’t want to think about this. But I suggest not looking down there for 3 months, UNLESS you feel like something is really wrong and need to check. Otherwise, save yourself the scare and keep the pocket mirror out of the bathroom.

Sex. Is. Going. To. Hurt. This will hurt more than your first time ever did. You will feel like you are not going to make it out of this alive. You will want to crawl away and hide. But you will make it through, it will hurt several times over. But you will get through this and it will get better!

Mental Block. You will swear up and down that you will never do this again. The pain and agony fresh in your mind as you sit there and bleed out everyday. About 3-4 months later, slowly your memory of the experience gets foggy and it doesn’t seem as bad anymore. Your newborn isn’t a newborn anymore and cries less and sleeps more. Suddenly a 2nd doesn’t seem so bad does it?

“Mommy’s Thumb”. Okay this is a real thing, Google it. This happens particularly to new moms with no experience in how to hold a baby. I was holding my baby a lot and letting the weight of her head strain my right thumb. It got to be so painful that I would wake up in the morning with it feeling completely numb. I remember not being able to hold her without wincing in pain. I felt like I had arthritis or like my thumb was broken. I looked it up (because I like to self-diagnose myself via the internet) and lo and behold “Mommy’s Thumb”.

Pap Smear. Yes, about 6-8 weeks after pushing a human out of your vagina your OB will want to perform a pap smear on you and dig around your uterus to see how things are going down there.

Hatred for Hubby. Okay not hatred, but extreme irritation. This is mostly the hormones, lack of sleep and stress causing you to act out. I promise that it gets better and you will look at him one day as your hubby again. Babies completely change a relationship/marriage! But with work, communication and understanding you will be able to find your way back again.

Losing Friends. Be prepared to lose friends. Especially those with no kids. You won’t be able to hold a decent convo with someone without getting distracted by baby and hardly be able to speak about things that are non-baby related.