Tag Archives: newmom

Sleep Deprivation.

Posted in New Mom Chronicles, Sleepless Nights by

Oh the joy of sleep deprivation! I’ve always been an 8 hour minimum night’s sleep type of gal. It’s amazing how I’m still able to function now with 2 hour increments of sleep per night. Also completely surprised at how amazing I feel after getting 4 hours of straight sleep.

Sleep deprivation can do a number on you mentally, emotionally and physically. I turn into a complete monster when I am running on two hours of sleep and definitely feel bad for the hubby for receiving the backlash. Patience will run low, you will be too tired to sleep at times, you forget what you did 5 minutes ago, you will repeat things you already did, and you will get snappy! You start looking like a homeless person and one day happen to catch a glimpse of yourself while outside and are in utter shock at the physical transformation (and this is on a day you think you looked okay). I find myself investing in eye creams, more makeup and crying in my bathroom corner. I look at old photos and wonder if I’ll ever look like that again!

Funniest things I’ve done while sleep deprived:

Hallucinated. You are half asleep and swear the baby is somewhere else or you are somewhere else. This happened to me last night, I thought it was 3am and it was time to feed the baby when it was only 9pm. I ran to her room frantic because I thought I missed her first feeding.

Delirious online shopping. Once I was so delirious I added a bunch of random things to my shopping cart and hit “purchase”. The next morning I saw a confirmation email in my inbox and had to call them to cancel. What was I thinking?

Phantom crying. I swear she’s crying when she’s not. I’ll run into her room and she’s fast asleep.

I keep praying this will end soon and sometimes get upset if my little babe won’t stop crying at night. But then… I think about how this time won’t last forever. One day she won’t need me anymore and there will be a time where she won’t be right next to me where I can scoop her right up. So I just brush off my fatigue and hold her even closer and just try to freeze that moment. “These times won’t last forever, please don’t grow up too fast.” I whisper.

I Broke Down…

Posted in New Mom Chronicles, Sleepless Nights by

This morning was an especially trying time for me. For the first time in 4 months I broke down in tears and was on my knees waving the white flag. Now, I have broken down before but it was either over my PPD or fights with the hubby. This time, truly it was because I couldn’t take the crying, fussing and refusal to go back to sleep. The dreaded 4 month regression hit last week and it’s been really difficult for both me and baby Everly ever since. I know developmentally she is going through so much so this isn’t a pleasant time for her either. She’s not trying to purposely give me a hard time but man, it’s been a really hard time. I’ve been getting 3 or 4 hours of broken sleep a night. When we get up in the morning I take care of her and my chores all day until her bed routine that starts at 6pm, then I get about 4-5 hours to either eat, catch up on housework, emails, texts, take a short nap, order things we need, or just sit in silence.

So, back to my morning. She started fussing at 4am and nothing I did would soothe her. I tried to take her into her crib (we co-sleep half the night) and she was still fussing. Diaper changed, bottle fed, burped, took off layers of clothes, nope still wants to cry. A couple hours later I tried letting her watch some cartoons in hope that I could get her to just relax but after 10 minutes she was screaming and crying. Put her down in her crib again and she screamed even louder. I scooped her up, patience wavering, and made her another bottle. I’m so exhausted as I stood in the dark of my kitchen waiting for her bottle to heat up. It is extremely hard to stay positive when you are not getting any sleep an minimal help. Thoughts creep into your mind about how you haven’t lost this baby weight and might never, about how you’ve let yourself go, how you might not be cut out for this and are a bad mom because obviously your baby isn’t happy. You think about your husband leaving you for someone prettier, younger and skinnier because right now you are the exact opposite of those things along with a huge side of crabbiness. The bottle warmer bell goes off and I’m snapped back into my present moment. As I grab for the bottle she proceeds to spit up all over me and so now I have to juggle her carefully and the bottle as well while her vomit trickles down my back. I set her down and she starts screaming again. I take off my shirt, roll it up and toss it to the side. I try to give her the bottle but she refuses angrily and that’s the moment where I just wanted to give up and falter. Tears and tension built up behind the walls of my eyes just started flowing out. I had tried my best to stay strong for so long and in this very moment I just felt like I couldn’t anymore. This IS so much harder than I bargained for or could ever imagine. I give up baby, please tell me what you want! I’ll do anything! As I start sobbing she calms down and finally takes her bottle. She looks at me as her eyes start to grow heavy from her eventful morning. I look at her and it’s as if the tables were turned for a brief second and she was the one wishing I would stop crying.

My 1st Real Post!

Posted in Pregnancy by

This is my first real post! It has been way too chaotic and crazy to sit down and blog but as baby Everly sleeps I’m going to give it a go!

So, let’s start from the beginning. We found out we were pregnant in January of 2015. We had been trying for some time and it was actually quite a surprise. It got to the point for me that I just had to accept if it wasn’t going to happen then it wasn’t meant to be. But finally after almost a year of trying we were blessed!

My entire pregnancy was a really easy one compared to most women. I did feel nauseous and had bad headaches in my 1st trimester but I never threw up and barely had any food aversions. Once I hit my 2nd trimester I wasn’t as fatigued and I felt great! Seeing and feeling a life grow inside of you is an experience like no other. Becoming a mom, whether or not you carried your own baby or adopted is another amazing experience.

Although we had wanted a baby for so long I felt so unprepared! Where does one even start! All of a sudden I had to find an OB, one that worked with the hospital I chose to deliver at, then look for a Pediatrician, preferably one that could come to the hospital when baby was born. I had to figure out what I could and could not eat, what vitamins to take, what exercises were safe and unsafe. I had to think about if I wanted to do a gender reveal party, who could help me with a baby shower and really, if really I was ready for all of this! Then comes the part of what things do we need to buy? Not only what do we need but which is the best for our little one! All of a sudden it’s not about you anymore. It’s about this life that you are carrying. Nine months is hardly enough time to mentally and physically prepare to bring a life into this world!

Baby Everly is up now! I will make my next posts about my experiences in the different trimesters! Thanks for reading!