Tag Archives: newparents

Rules For Visiting Newborns

Posted in Childbirth, New Mom Chronicles by

I touched briefly on this topic in one of my earlier blog posts but felt I needed to dedicate a post just for this. Before I became pregnant I didn’t realize a lot of these things! Seems like common sense to all moms which a majority of the time it is (there are moms or older people that don’t get it) but for non-parents it’s not! It is really important to respect a family and a mom that has a new baby and to abide by their needs and rules when visiting. Here are some guidelines below:

– Ask mom directly if it’s okay to visit and when would be a good time. If you are in contact with dad make sure he gets the green light from mom. A lot of times dads are oblivious and just invite everyone over without mom’s consent. True story. Don’t be pushy or persistent. Every mom and family is different. Some moms don’t mind visitors straight away but for me I really wasn’t ready for visitors until 8 weeks and even then it was only for really close friends and family.

– Bring food! Do not, I repeat do not come empty handed on your first visit. It is unbelievably hectic when you first bring a baby home and a lot of times food is forgotten about so food is always welcome!

– When you come over wash your hands if you are going to hold the baby. Do not kiss the baby! I think it’s so rude when people just go in and grab your baby or kiss your baby all over the face. That’s the quickest way to give baby an illness!

– Do not hog the baby the whole time or expect to just come over and take away from the special beginning bonding moments of this new family. Instead, see if there’s something you can do around the house like a load of laundry, dishes, cooking a meal, walking the dogs, vacuum, etc. This would be beyond helpful. I hate it when people just come over and want to relax on your couch and hold your baby while you have to sit there and entertain while you are completely exhausted!

– Do not stay long. One hour max. Newborns need their rest and so do moms. Last thing we want is to sit there for hours holding up a conversation when all we can think about is when the next time to nurse is.

– Better yet, leave food at the door and go. Include a note or card asking to let you know when a good time to visit is. This would be beyond appreciated!

– If you are sick, beginning to feel sick or even getting over being sick, please stay home!

– If baby starts crying please hand him/her back to parents. Do not force the interaction or think you should try to soothe baby yourself.

– Abide by parents rules! Every family is different, some more lax than others. If a family requires you to be updated on your vaccines then respect their wishes.

Again, every family is different especially when they have several kids vs. 1. When its a family’s first baby it’s definitely a more sensitive time. I’m sure by the 3rd or 4th baby their rules have definitely changed! It’s best to always ask first though, when is a good time to visit and what do you need? My girlfriend Katelyn who has been a tremendous help is the perfect ideal example of a friend that was super respectful, helpful and accomodating. She checked in on me everyday through text and waited until I was ready to invite her over. She never came over empty handed (always yummy food!) and always took the initiative in doing things to help me. She would come over with groceries and cook, hold the baby while I showered, babysat while I ran errands, and left food on my doorstep because she didn’t want to bother me or wake baby. On top of all this she always respected how I wanted to care for my baby even though she had kids of her own and this was my first! She is definitely the ideal mom friend to have and has been beyond helpful and wonderful to my new family.

You Won’t Understand Until…

Posted in New Mom Chronicles, Pregnancy by

You definitely won’t understand another mother’s struggle until you yourself become a mom. It’s so true. I never really put myself in the shoes of my friends who had already had kids way before me. I didn’t get why they were late to functions or always had an excuse to not come out. I wondered why they were always tired and didn’t have time to maintain themselves.  Sometimes keeping in touch would be challenging because they would be MIA or take forever to respond. And what was this talk about scheduling plans around nap time? What was that nonsense??! Ahhh now I know, I am on the other side and have joined my fellow mom friends. I get it now ladies, I understand!

No Sleep, No Rest. – I never thought about this until I was thrown into it after having my little Piglet. Wow. Praise to all the mamas out there. It’s hard! No sleep, no showers and barely any full meals make for a very rough road each day. The first 3 months were a complete blur as I was barely hanging by a thread. It has either gotten better or I have gotten better with dealing with it. I apologize to my mom friends in instances that I didn’t understand why you were always tired! You do not know true exhaustion until you become a mom. I know this is true as I have once worked double shifts as a bartender, triple shifts as a server/bartender, and have gone countless nights with several hours of sleep. It in no way compares to the hours you clock in with motherhood. There is no clocking out!

Going Out – I remember way back when I would ask my mom friends to go out partying or drinking and wouldn’t understand how hard it was to find a sitter. You think hey just ask your mom or friend right? Now that I’m on the other side I a) would much rather stay home with my baby than go partying b) sitters are not that easy to find as I thought c) it’s extremely hard to trust just anyone with your baby, family members included. For instance I don’t think I’d even trust my mom to watch my baby. It’s been 35 years since she held or cared for a baby and many things have changed!

“The Mom Look” – I didn’t understand this look but I often saw it amongst mom friends or random moms in public. The look can be a one of or a combination of the following: short hair, messy bun, ponytail, dirty hair, sweats, yoga pants/leggings, oversized tshirt, vomit or spit up on clothes, flip flops or sneakers, no makeup, chipped nail polish, bags/circles under eyes. Moms out there, I understand now… I understand. Enough said.

Visiting New Moms/Newborns – Okay, if you are visiting a newborn these are things you do beforehand:

– Ask mom directly if it’s okay to visit and when would be a good time. Don’t push. Every mom is different. For me I really wasn’t ready for visitors until 8 weeks.

– Bring food!

– When you come over wash your hands if you are going to hold the baby. Do not kiss the baby!

– Do not hog the baby the whole time or expect to just come over and take away from the beginning bonding moment of this new family. Instead, see if there’s something you can do around the house like a load of laundry, dishes, cooking a meal, walking the dogs, vacuum, etc. This would be beyond helpful. I hate it when people just come over and want to relax on your couch and hold your baby while you have to sit there and entertain while you are completely exhausted!

– Do not stay long. One hour max. Newborns need their rest and so do moms. Last thing we want is to sit there for hours holding up a conversation when all we can think about is when the next time to nurse is.

– Better yet, leave food at the door and go. Include a note or card asking to let you know when a good time to visit is. This would be beyond appreciated!

Friends and New Babies – Of course when you have a friend with a new baby your natural inclination is to congratulate and check in on them. But then you don’t hear from them for a while and the friendship tapers off. It’s not you, it’s this whole new chapter of your friend’s life that she’s trying to adjust to! Even if she’s not responsive, she IS reading your messages and thinking of you. Just because us moms have a new baby in our lives doesn’t mean we want to drop all of our friends. If I could change something I would have made more effort in the past to be there for my friends who just had babies. It’s hard! And you won’t know what I’m talking about until you have gone through it yourself. So just try to be understanding and make the effort in coming to visit, being supportive, and keeping the friendship going. One day you will be a mom too and may need her!

Non-Moms-  To those reading that are not moms yet: Try your best to take the time in understanding what your mom friends are going through. Offer help, support, love and FOOD! If you can, offer to babysit or cook one night! This time is such an overwhelming crazy time in a new mom’s life that it’s hard to sit down and stay in contact with friends. Be there for her and never be “too busy”. You don’t know the meaning of busy until you’ve had kids, trust me.